10/8- Epi 317 ... Bomb Blast from the Past

Friday 10th August

Starts with light-hearted teasing and goes on to full-fledged drama.
Felt bad for Arnav today ... after years, he found happiness in life, the courage to move on and embrace the future, he was busy enjoying the teasing and laughter with his wife, and moving towards living a normal life ... in comes not just Blast from the Past, but a Bomb Blast ... intent on repeating the mistakes of the past. :(

So both parents committed suicide ... one after the other.
Did Dadi imply that Arnav was responsible for throwing his father out of the house? He was all of fourteen years old at the time, wasn't he? Rather a neat way of passing the buck, I must say.
So it seems more and more that Arnav's dad had an affair, his mother was busy making life miserable for her daughter-in-law and absolving her son of all blame ... so the mother took the easy way out ...

Was Arnav's mother really weak? Or is that a convenient way of passing the blame to the daughter-in-law and sparing the son? And Dadi has obviously not forgiven her grandson for favoring his mother and rejecting his father.

Mami is well and truly on Anjali's heels ... so far she hasn't really suspected anything suspicious, but she's getting there.

Anjali is getting bolder and bolder .. or is that Shyam getting bolder and bolder? So now she goes out to meet mysterious stranger, all smiles and sunshine ... puts off both Arnav and Mami to do so ... will they exchange notes?

As always, when Khushi is missing for the bulk of the episode, it loses its flavour, and leaves me dissatisfied ... hope the SR track, amusing though it is, is just a filler till the full truth of Shyam emerges ... because once Dadi knows that Khushi is the other woman in question, the sh** is going to hit the ceiling. :(

Precap ... Mami catches Anjali ... yet again. When is Mami going to transform into Manorama Bond? Or is this going to be left to Khushi? Khushi had better have a bigger role to play in the whole drama, or it will get a bit tedious ... I was already missing her tonight, and imagining a scene for Monday where she realises Arnav's mood, and soothes him out of it :">

*edited*

Thoughts ... will do episode update later :)

ArHi ... did not leave a very good taste in my mouth today. Yesterday Arnav teasing Khushi in the privacy of their room about SR was fine ... carrying it into the family arena was not. Like a lot of us felt, he or Payal should have been the one to notice Khushi's dress, and point it out in privacy, not tease her in front of the entire family.
Khushi's worry should be more about SR coming before pheras, not about SR per se ... please get that across!!!

Anjali is now lying bare-faced to Arnav and Mami ... this is going to shatter Arnav. Hopefully it will also change his 'raag' once and for all about Di being the most important person in his life, and realise that sibling relationships, as close as they are, are not the most important ... and help him open up even more to Khushi ... because she is the one person for whom he is the most important ... the rest of the family is all about Di alaap :(

Liked the way Nani knows Khushi well enough to know that her uncharacteristic behaviour means she is worried about something ... Nani is sweet :) And felt like giving Arnav a tight slap for being such a tease ... he is wicked! :)) (Clarification - not the 'I hate Arnav' type of slap, just a 'you're being a very naughty boy, and I really hope you get it back soon' type of slap ;) )
Was good to see Khushi thinking along the same lines :)

Nani so worried about Anjali and keeping her wrapped in cotton wool - more understandable ... she has lost one daughter to infidelity, and she is worried that Anjali is like her mother and might go the same way. So not just a simple case of dealing with a two-timing husband here, but actual fear of Anjali also going the suicide way, and Nani losing her last living link with her daughter.
Arnav does not count so much ... a) he is far stronger, b) he as a son, doesn't remind her of her daughter as much as Anjali does, c) he is equally scared of losing his sister to suicide as he once lost his mother, and for the same reason, so he is a fellow sympathiser and her ally and support, not a fellow victim. As Nani is scared of losing the last link with her daughter, Arnav is scared of losing the last link with his mother, and the last living member of his family.

Couldn't help feeling glad for Arnav that he has at least one person in his life who puts him above Anjali ... now only if he could return the favor. :)

I couldn't help but remember the hotel manager in the Mumbai blasts, who lost his wife and two sons to fire even as he just watched and couldn't do anything to help them. Real life is never more fantastic than real ... and one of the strengths of  IPKKND is that it has shown very real emotions and situations, that are very relateable ... on a slightly exaggerated scale for drama, but real nonetheless.

Dadi comes across as one of those old-fashioned women who worships sons, believes all girls are worthless, meant only to be good wives and mothers, and only useful for carrying the family line forward. Her daughter-in-law's tears and suicide are dismissed as 'weakness' and inability to bear the responsibility of home and family ... Dadi, then pray do tell, what do you call your hiding away in an ashram for fourteen years and passing the responsibility of two orphaned grandchildren to your best friend and samdhan?

And does Dadi also feel that Anjali being handicapped, should consider herself lucky that she got a husband at all, enough to overlook all his faults, because a child needs its father more than its mother? Apparently, Arnav's disclosure that Shyam hurt Anjali, is not enough for Dadi as a reason for Shyam to be kicked out of the house. Also, I did feel that Dadi was more moved and happy to see Arnav than Anjali in their first intro scenes ... another pointer that for Dadi, sons, and sons-in-law are more important that daughters? Daughters-in-law of course are on the lowest rung of the heirarchy!

How come a traditional person like Dadi expects damaadji to be living in his sasuraal?

On reflection, feel it was good that Arnav didn't mention Khushi at all yet ... he knows Dadi is already prejudiced against Khushi, and with her views, she would probably be quick to blame Khushi for being the 'other woman', and happy to absolve Shyam's infidelity as the natural reaction of a man with a handicapped wife to have a roving eye ... 

Interesting that for Nani, Dadi reverts from Sumi to Subhadra ...
Arnav responsible for throwing his father out? Didn't make sense to me ... he was fourteen years old at the time, wasn't he?

And Barun needs to ENUNCIATE ... again!!! Especially when he speaks English. That fake American accent is annoying!!!

Episode update: 
 Dining table scene ... didn't care for it much on first watch, opinion didn't change on second watch. Water pouring was still okay, the wardrobe malfunction was not in good taste. Interesting that Dadi kept quiet and didn't say a word ... has she got the message that Khushi is not to be fingered? Not in Arnav's presence ... if she knows what's good for her.

Anjali sneaks out of the house on the pretext of going to the temple .. not good, Anjali, DM will not be happy, using her as an excuse to lie? Arnav and Mami both offer to accompany her ... refuses both of them. And looks thoroughly guilty doing so.

Genda phool ... was cute, but wish it was clearer whether Khushi was more worried about the missing pheras or the SR per se. So worried that she starts making jalebis ... aww, haven't seen that in a while :"> And it was sweet that Payal and Nani are the ones to see her, and realise she's upset - both of them know very well she makes jalebis only when she's upset. Especially Nani ... who's really worried if Khushi is all right ... Nani is sweet!
And Arnav is wicked! :)) Butter won't melt in his mouth expression, as he plays the concerned worried loving husband to the T ... 'yes, darling, what's wrong ... do tell me ...' Arnav bitwa, you need a spanking.
From her expression, Khushi apparently thinks the same. :"> Good, good, I want her annoyed and ready to fight ... not scared stiff.

NK Mami promote lamp and wick, does that show really need promotion?! :(
Mami misses Anjali, who is busy doing 'aap bhi naa ...' with mysterious faceless stranger at a poolside restaurant ... while driver waits at temple ... tut tut, Anjali bitiya, even worse ... lies are getting more and more sneaky ... can smell a snakey smell here.

Dadi is missing Damaadji ... for a conservative lady, does she expect Damaadji to be living as ghar jamai? And she demands answers from Nani ... where is Damaadji?! And why has he not come yet to pay his respects to me?
Are you queen of England that damaadji has to come and pay his respects to you? X(
Mami goes to tell Arnav about missing Anjali ... just as Anjali makes a quick call to throw her off the scent ... so Mami manages to tell Arnav that Anjali was lost and found ...
And Dadi Drama starts ... so Arnav tells Dadi flatly and bluntly ... the man's not coming any time soon ... I threw him out of this house.

Dadi is angry ... Nani and Mami are worried ... Nani tries to postpone the confrontation, Arnav is not happy with Nani for that one ... and Dadi doesn't even hear her. She wants answers ... 'Why? What happened that you took such a step?'
'Because he hurt Di. And I will not tolerate that. He has hurt Di, deceived Di. I don't want his name to be taken in this house. Especially not in front of Di.'
End of story for Arnav ... he walks off. Bol diya toh bol diya. Bas.

The rest of the R house is ready to accept Arnav's diktat ... maybe through experience of the man over the last fourteen years, the man he has become, the man who always sides with the truth (except on one notable exception) and is swift to punish what he perceives as wrong. And also from their experience, he is rarely wrong in his judgements, so they don't question him.

Not so Dadi. She has no experience of the man, only of the boy of fourteen. And the decision he took at that time still rankles ... her son was ostracized by the rest of his family, by his own children ... and he took his life ... She will not allow history to repeat itself. Not again. Arnav has to give her his reasons.
Did he withhold his reasons the last time around too? 

Dadi-Arnav ...
 Dadi follows Arnav to his room ... where Arnav stands surrounded again by the shadows closing in ... the shadows of his past, which he had just managed to shake off after so many years ... just started to look forward to the sunshine ... enjoy the view of the life that lay ahead, a life filled with love, laughter, teasing, with happiness ... with his Khushi ... a light-hearted morning spent teasing the love of his life, his wife ... looking forward to the days ahead ...
But no ... the shadows follow him wherever he goes ...

Dadi fires first salvo ... you're not the same Arnav who used to follow me around, worship me .. you've grown up, you make the decisions for your family now ...
And she sounds like she doesn't think that's a good thing at all.
Err, Dadi, are you stuck in a time warp here? Breaking news ... yes, he has grown up, yes, he does take all the decisions for his family ... because he has to. He was left with no choice but to do so.You were not there, remember? And his chacha wasn't exactly father figure either ...

And so he tells her ... 'Time changes everything, time is the biggest teacher. And I have learned to look after my family's happiness very well.'
Dadi is not impressed.
'By throwing out your BIL, are you looking after your family's happiness? He is the father of your sister's child ... a child who will need its father. Or do you want that the child also grow without a father ... the same way that you did?'

And the dam bursts ... a wound which was just opened up the night before, and started to heal with a loving touch ... now scraped raw again with harsh, hurting words ...

'I grew up without a father because my father committed suicide! And before going, he took my mother from me too, he forced her to commit suicide as well. And I will not allow Shyam to do the same to my Di.'
So the biggest fear was of Di going the same way as his mother ... taking the easy way out ... taking her own life because she couldn't bear to be without her husband? Or couldn't live with his infidelity?

And Dadi says something unforgiveable ...'your mother committed suicide because she was weak. She never learned to manage the responsibilities of home and family, of her children ...'

Is this the truth? Or is this the blinkered view of a tradition-bound rigid thinking mother-in-law? Ever-ready to blame the outsider DIL, but never ready to raise the finger of blame on the treasured son of the house?
Never point fingers at the mother of a loving son ... he will defend his mother against the entire world, including his own father ... grandmother is a distant second. 

And Arnav is furious ... so furious that he almost forgets his sanskar and raises his voice to his Dadi. Then recollects himself and speaks in lower tones ... 'I will not hear a word against my mother ... even from you ...'


And Dadi is equally furious ... you are taking the wrong side again ... siding the wrong person, protecting the guilty, and blaming the innocent ... like you did fourteen years ago ...   

How is Dadi so sure that he is taking the wrong side here? She doesn't know the full story, doesn't know anything about Shyam at all, hasn't even met the man. Or has she? Is she accusing Anjali of being weak and unable to keep her man glued to her side, the way she accused Anjali's mother of being weak and unable to hold her family together? And Damaadji to be blameless, just because he is a man ... the same way her son was blameless ...
Or is she repeating Anjali's and/or Shyam's side of the story? And accusing Arnav of shielding the other woman, and accusing the blameless husband?
Definitely more here than meets the eye.

And Arnav loses it again ... again the old wounds scraped raw and bleeding ... when they had just started to heal ...
'Why do you keep reminding us of that night? The night our entire family was destroyed and the pieces scattered?'
Dadi is relentless ... she will not stop ... no ... she lives in the past ...
Arnav frustrated, angry, helpless ... 'how much Di and I have tried to forget that night ... rebuild our lives ... why do you keep reminding us? Don't you want us to move ahead?'
Just as he was ready to move ahead, believe in love and happiness again, Dadi revisits the ghosts of the past ... 

Dadi doesn't want to move ahead ... not if it means repeating the mistakes of the past ... they need to revisit the past to build the future ... and by throwing Shyam out, the future is what will be affected ... 'don't repeat the same mistake you made the last time round ...'
Does she think this decision is a mistake because she still thinks the last decision was a mistake as well? Or is there something more to her certainty?


But Arnav is unrelenting too ... 'I made the right decision then ... and I'm making the right decision now ... Then it was Dad's fault ... and now it was Shyam's ...'
And his final decision ... 'Shyam will never again enter this house ...' and that is final.

Nani, ever the peacemaker, enters worriedly ... Anjali is back ... stop this war right now ...
And she pleads with her old friend ... although distances are creeping in, she drops the affectionate pet name, and reverts to the full name ... 'Subhadra, stop now for Anjali's sake ...'
Arnav's expression changes ... yes, he's ready to drop it right now ... Di should not be affected ...
Dadi is unmoved ... let things come out in front of Anjali ... this matter has to be sorted out ...
SN - At the moment, am more in agreement with Dadi ... yes, do please stop mollycoddling Di so much ... she needs to know the whole truth about her KP ... so let the whole truth come out ...

Nani tries to placate Dadi ... 'you don't know what all Anjali bitiya went through ... we've just managed to get her back to normal ....
SN - if you call sneaking around behind everyone's back to meet mysterious strangers normal ...

'today she's happy because there is a pooja in the house ...'
SN - I think she's happy because she had a nice romantic rendezvous ... finally acting more like a normal person, I did say too much pooja-paath was unhealthy at her age ...but whatever rocks your boat, Nani ... I respect you too much to say more ;)

'and Subhadra ... you're returned after so many years .. stop making trouble ... let her stay happy for a while ...'
Was Dadi the type of old-fashioned woman who moaned loudly about how a handicapped girl would ever find a good husband, thus deepening Anjali's complexes further? Making everyone else more protective about Anjali? Was she really as loving to Anjali as she was to Arnav? Or did she insist on treating Anjali as a normal person, and not mollycoddling her so much as her mother and brother apparently did? Thus making them protect her even more?
Or is this about Shyam vs Khushi?

Nani addresses Arnav in a different tone completely ... elder scolding a much-loved younger one making a mistake ... 'for your Di's sake, stop this argument ...' She knows he will obey, even if Dadi doesn't.
And he turns away from Dadi and from the argument ... yes, he will listen to Nani ... because he respects her a lot, and it's for Di's sake ...
Both old ladies leave ... Dadi in a huff, Nani with a look of 'you need to control your temper ... this will not work for long ...'

Leaving Arnav alone ... again ... surrounded by the demons of his past ... a day which began so well, ended in darkness again ...

Poor Arnav!