28/4 - Epi 86 ... Mood Swings

Monday 28th April

I will pray to God that you go away from me ... because I hate you. 

Rudra banna, be careful what you ask for. One moment, you were asking ... no, begging ... for her maafi ... going all over town to get her the bangles she wanted ... and suddenly because you learned that she begged Col Singh for your job, you got angry, and want her to go away?
Was it his ego that was hurt at the idea of Paro saving his job? Or was it the realisation that Paro is slowly and steadily seeping into every facet of his life, and into every pore of his being? And he is scared ... scared that he is becoming dependent on her. After all, she will walk out one day, or betray his trust in some way ... all women do.

Mohini Kakisa, please make up your mind. Initially you didn't want Rudra to have the laddoos, because everyone knows you made them ... but it's all right if Paro has the laddoos even if everyone knows you made them, including Rudra ... and when Rudra eats the laddoo by mistake, you're perfectly okay with it?

Paro seems to be completely unperturbed by Rudra's mood swings ... maybe she has fathomed that he has PMS ... constantly. All the time.
And that he never means what he says ... after all, he told her that himself. So if he says he wants her to go away forever, it's okay ... he's just in one of his moods, he'll come around.

It's tough to live with a mercurial temperament like Rudra!

*Edit - the episode* 

Bangle scene - Paro worries about the abshagun of the spilled charanamrit ... and Rudra brings bangles for her, banishing her fears for the moment. He trips and falls, the bangles fall, but don't break ... she bends to pick them up, and he helps her. She teases him gently ... he brought the entire shop, she just wanted six. He growls back that she didn't specify the exact shade of pink, so he had to bring them all. 

He wants to be gruff as usual, to be stand -offish .. get her 'maafi' and be done with it. Because he can't bear the thought that he hurt her. And that's enough for Paro ... ... no, not quite. Thrilled to see that he did fulfill her small demand, she wants more of the loving husband (or as loving as Rudra can be). Where she gets an inch, she wants a mile. 

He refuses, he's not a doting husband. She's not fazed, not defeated yet, she reminds him of his soft moments when he woke up ... and gets her wish ... he puts the bangles on as lovingly as she could ask for ... just to make sure she doesn't put into words, his (for him) embarrassingly uncharacteristic behaviour. And Paro is happy ... she got what she wanted. The first time he puts them on gently ... and gentles even more at her slightest whimper of pain. 

Col Singh's phone call ... he mistakes Rudra's gruffness that they're fighting again, and takes the time to tell Rudra once again that Paro begged for his job, she knows what it means to Rudra ... and it's because of her that the SW ladies also gave him a clean chit. So the girl who was just a 'duty' for him ... because of her, he will get his uniform and his job back. 

So Rudra gets an excuse to get back to his rough self ... he doesn't owe his job to Paro, thank you very much! A blow to his ego and his self-respect ... he can't take it. It's too close to the truth ... it IS the truth ... but he loves his job much more than he loves Paro and he can't stand the fact that he owes her something so big. 

Typical male ego   

Bit of a flimsy set up ... he knew Paro was the reason the SW's gave him a clean chit ... he heard Paro begging Mrs Singh not to let her behaviour when she was drunk, influence his job ... so why did he lose it so suddenly? 

So Rudra in a temper again and walks out ... leaving Mohini flummoxed.
Paro runs after him, he rages again as to why she begged Col Singh for his job, with what right ... hello, Major Sahab, she's your wife, remember?! You took her to Jaipur to safeguard your job, you played doting husband and danced with her in front of your CO, all for your job ... but when her efforts are acknowledged and praised, you lose it?! Is that because you hate to be obliged to your wife? Or is it because she reminds you that she IS your wife, with all the rights that come with it? Regardless of how the marriage happened?

Rudra wants to believe the marriage is false ... one drunken night and a few bangles don't make it real. But whom is he trying to convince of that? Paro? Or himself? Is his anger really with Paro because she is trying to be a real wife? Or is it with himself because he is softening so much as to let her? Even starting to believe it himself? 
So again he falls back on his old complaint ... she saved his job but it was on the line because of her. Because he met her, brought her into his house ...
Yes, Rudra ... YOU brought her into your house ... you started this shaadi ka drama.

Paro reasons with him ... fine, I'm wrong, it's my fault. But please come inside and sit in the puja. And ask your God to take me away from your life, the same way he brought me into it. 
Of course he doesn't listen ...
But this is the first time Paro has brought up leaving him ... I want that to happen! Only that will knock some sense into Rudra's head!

Paro keeps his uniform (miraculously re-decorated with the missing stars and stripes that he lost) as his symbol during the puja. The uniform is his pride and joy, an inseparable part of him, his identity ... it can serve as his proxy during the puja. And she is sure he will come back.

Mohini is satisfied .. if Rudra was there, he would find a way to protect Paro. Now nothing stands between her and the poisoned laddoos.

And while Paro sits at the puja with one eye on the empty doorway, Rudra ponders over a cup of tea ... 'The clean chit from the SWs is because of her and only her. The girl who was just a duty for you, because of her, you're getting your job back.'
Was she really only a 'duty'?
Paro's words echo in his mind. 'I'm your wife. With all the rights you have given me.'
Maithili bhabhi's words come back ... 'why are you hiding it? When she is in pain, it hurts you too.'
Why is he trying to hide it?
He remembers the first time he saved her from the goons ... the time he saved her from Mohini's slap ... the time she burnt her hands, and he felt her pain ... when she fainted in the rain and he brought her in ... was she only a witness to protect all of those times? Why did he go out of his way to protect her?
'When she hurts, it hurts you too ...'
'I'm your wife ... with all the rights you have given me ..'  

I wonder ... why did he return? All these flashbacks ... did he start to realise that she did mean something to him? Was it really softening? Did he really return because it meant something to Paro, and he felt he'd hurt her again by storming out? 
Or was it his own fear that he is growing too close to her, so he needs to hurt her again ... push her away again from him? And what better place to do that than in the puja which is for them as a couple.

Mohini places the poisoned laddoos in front of Paro. And Rudra returns just in time for the aarti ... and the poisoned laddoo. 

Paro is content ... Rudra tells her he only returned to ask for what she herself said he should ask for ... Paro to leave his life. 
Paro is still smiling ... she holds enough importance in his life, and in his thoughts, that he needs to ask God to get rid of her ... he can't do it himself. 

Paro has started reading Rudra well ... not completely yet ... but much better than he knows. Or maybe he does know ... that's why he got angry all over again when she just smiled, and didn't react to his spoken words, that he came back to wish for her to leave. Because both of them know he doesn't mean it really. What he really means is that he's fighting his feelings for her. Hence her satisfaction and content that he came back to wish her to leave. If she really didn't mean anything to him, he would not have bothered to return. 

Did Rudra feel anything fishy at Mohini's insistence on Paro eating the laddoo? Was it his protective instincts kicking in?
While I would like to believe that .. I doubt it. When Paro is around, all Rudra's thoughts and actions are centred on her, he doesn't see anyone or anything else. He ate the laddoo because Mohini's words about Paro's tapasya and love, designed to infuriate him, did exactly that ... not because he suspected Mohini of anything. Rudra doesn't act or plan or think ... he only reacts. In this couple, Paro is the thinker. 

So Mohini eggs Rudra to feed Paro the laddoo, Rudra holds it to her mouth, and then, infuriated by Mohini's running commentary on how wonderful and loving a wife Paro is, and how she deserves the prasad meant for his loving wife ... he eats the laddoo himself. With a prayer that she leaves his life, and goes away from him. 
And why is she still smiling when he says that? Why is she looking at him as though she can see right through him? 
Maybe because he knows she can? Because he doesn't want Paro to be a loving wife. He's too scared that he will become a loving husband ... and then will be hurt when she leaves him. 

Sanaya's BD in this show is much better than Rudra's BD ... she actually looks like Sanaya from the back.