14/3 - Epi 55 ... Changing Equations

Friday 14th March

A day of changing equations between the key players, Rudra and Paro ...

Before that ... the closure of the Mohini-Mala conversation ... taken over by Tejawat before either sister could place the voice of the other ... familiar, yet unfamiliar ...  a voice they grew up with through childhood and adulthood  ... but a voice each had not heard for fifteen years ...

And Tejawat reiterates to Mohini that he keeps his word, he is not a man to be trifled with. Mohini still doesn't understand the depths of the murky waters in which she is meddling ...

Back to the Ranawat haveli and the haldi rasam ... Paro gorgeous in yellow and white, with floral ornaments, Rudra handsome in white ...
Rudra's sleeve stuck on the curtain frame ... and Paro approaches him to release it, with a few soft words 'Careful, it will tear ...'

The first time she has approached him of her own accord ... a mirror image of the time when her sleeve was hooked on a nail, he released it with brute force and tore her kurta ... and then repaired it. The way he destroyed her world as she knew it ... and then started to build it back, piece by piece.

Today she sees the small tear in his kurta, and gently releases it before it can become bigger and destroy the entire sleeve ... before it needs major repair.
Will she repair the damage to his career and reputation the same way? Before the damage becomes bigger and destroys his career?

The shared eyelock was beautiful ... Paro, all fear gone, seemed to be looking for something in his eyes, looking to see if the unconscious trust she had in him was justified ... searching for the man she had seen under the tough jallad ... she could trust him with her safety, but could she trust him with the safety of her people? Should she trust him enough to do what he asked of her? Now that she has started seeing him differently, now that she knows he will not hurt her, or allow her to be hurt ... can she allow herself to trust him enough to do what he asks her to do?
Things have definitely changed for Paro after that last conversation ... when Rudra begged her to trust him, when he bared his soul to her, when he said that he didn't want her to be hurt the way he had been when his trust was betrayed ...
And Rudra looks back at Paro ... a woman to whom he has bared his soul, to whom he has shown himself both at his worst, and at his weakest ... and yet she comes back to him with her warmth and her care ... Paro, the nurturer. And he lets his hand drop and allows her to complete the task at hand ... with no damage to either the sleeve or the curtain.

Dilsher is still not happy about the marriage ... more than that, about the way Rudra is going about it ... Rudra replies his stubbornness is inherited ... from his father.
Yes, Rudra also knows somewhere that it's sheer zidd which is pushing him into this marriage ... but he has started a juggernaut he can't stop now ...
And maybe, deep inside, he doesn't want to.

Laila enters and applies haldi liberally and silently to Rudra ... of course he recognises her ... and he's on alert instantly.
With good reason ... as Laila is smarting with hurt, jealousy and a strong sense of injustice ... he accused her unjustly the other night, but today she will actually do something to his titli ... destroy the beautiful face which seems to have captured her Rudra's heart ...

Paro remembers Laila ... and her advice ... while Laila smears her liberally with the poisoned haldi ... face, arms, back. Paro spread poison in her life, she's returning the favour ...

But Laila hadn't bargained for Rudra ... and his extra alert instincts where Paro is concerned ... nor can Laila forget her own love for Rudra, which makes her give away her plan as Rudra makes to check her haldi himself ... and gets it on his hand, much to Laila's immediate panic.
Laila just justified Rudra's lack of trust in a beautiful woman ... yes, she is completely not to be trusted.

And Rudra looks with horrified gaze at the haldi smeared Paro ... something is wrong and he knows it. Laila is not to be trusted ... what has she done?

Rudra drags Paro off, she protests all the way, he manages to douse her with water and then with the hose, but she's still struggling, and she pushes him away with a furious 'don't touch me!'
And Rudra retreats ... the last time he pushed her too much against her will, she hurt herself ... he can't risk her doing the same again ... but he can't go too far for fear of what might happen ...
And fortunately it does .... the burning begins, and Paro realises that he was telling the truth ... and as always, she looks to him for help ... just with her eyes ... she gives him permission to help ... and he does.
The shower scene was beautifully done ... the frantic panic in both Paro and Rudra, as Rudra tries to scrub off all the haldi, first from her arms ... innocuous enough ... then from her face ... and they both get lost for a long moment, his hands on her face, her lips, a caress ... and then he turns her around quickly, almost roughly  to rub her back instead ... he was not meant to do this, to feel this ... he has a job on hand ...

Till Laila sees them ... and her alread seething jealousy goes up in flames, robbing her of all stealth, all thinking power, as she rushes to attack Paro with her knife ... even forgetting that Rudra is there at all ...

And Paro screams out 'Rudra" ... one word ... that's all she needs ... and Rudra is there to protect her ... as always.

Rudra Laila ... Rudra has a guilty conscience ... yes he does. He intervenes twice when Laila wants to tell Paro exactly who and what she was to Rudra ... he sends Paro away as soon as he can ... not before wrapping her sodden form tenderly in a dark cloth, so that nobody can see her through the wet clothes ... and he tries to tell Laila he broke off with her when he left Jaipur, she has no claim on him, he didn't want her to follow him here ... he has never wanted a long term commitment ...

*update*
Rudra-Paro ... 
Trust ... Care ... Respect ... Attraction
The bedrock, the four pillars of that strange emotion called love ...
Slowly all four building up, brick by brick ...

Paro always trusted Rudra with her physical safety ... otherwise she would never have returned to him after running away.
She trusts him not only for herself, but also for the safety of the family ... her call for him when Maithili went missing, and her feeling of being let down when he didn't respond ... or so she thought.
But she doesn't trust his words, his beliefs, his statements about the villainy of Tejawat, her father figure. She didn't believe him when he said she was in danger. Not surprising, she never saw any proof of his words.
Has she started changing her mind?
Today she didn't believe him about the poisoned haldi, but when she realised she was wrong, she trusted him to take care of her ... allowed him into her personal space without a murmur of protest ...

Her care ... her visit to his room with the haldi lep for his wound ... sustained to protect her. Her caring nature, coming more and more to the fore as her fear of the man recedes ... today in the haldi ceremony, she took the first step towards him of her own accord ... to free his sleeve from a nail.
Her trust shows her respect for Rudra, the man ... she may not believe what he says, but she now believes that he believes it ... he is not a jallad, he is merely misguided, mistaken.
Attraction ... not yet, not acknowledged ... still subconscious .... lurking below the surface ... because she is a widow of another man, she can't be unfaithful to his memory so soon, and that too, attraction to the dead man's killer? To even think it, is wrong.

Rudra ... to trust a beautiful woman went against everything he was brought up with. His mother's betrayal, his father's words ... never trust a beautiful woman ...
And Paro seemed to embody that belief ... she was on the side of the Thakur, his enemy ... she refused to sign the papers that would save his job ... she refused to say anything against his enemy.
But attraction was there from the day he met her ... from the minute he rolled with her in the sand to save her from the explosive mess she was in.
Care grew slowly and surely, it seemed to come as second nature to him ... and he didn't question it. It started as care for his 'witness' ... he was duty bound to look after her safety. But when that care grew above and beyond the call of duty, to shield her from the raised hand or the taunts of his aunt, from the roving eye of his cousin, from the poison of his paramour, even from her own self ... he did not even know. Caring for her was part of his nature, part of the very fibre of his being.
Respect ... was it respect he felt for her bravery? Was it for her caring nature, which encompassed every member of his family, especially those that loved her ... his father, his equally gentle bhabhi, his chirpy younger sister? Was it for the gentle firmness with which she stood up to him, tempered his hot rage with cool, measured words that more often than not, left him stumped and fumbling ... and noticeably cooled? It was respect that made his wrap her sodden body with a dark cover, to shield her from probing eyes ... it was respect that lent that sharp edge to his voice when he forbade Laila to come near her, to speak to her with politeness and tameez ...
Trust ... is slow in coming. At times he is sure she knows nothing of the Thakur's misdeeds, she is a victim like any other, like the 17 other girls who crossed the border and fell into wrong hands ... but at times he feels sure that she knows all and is a willing pawn to the Thakur to whom she owes so much. How can he trust her, how can he believe she is truly innocent?

Rudra Laila

Paro-Rudra-Laila ... changing equations here between Rudra and Laila, and the catalyst is Paro. 

What does Rudra feel for Laila? 

My take ... he feels guilty somewhere inside him ... but he doesn't quite know why yet. 

 Yes, he always told her not to expect any commitment from him, much less love. Not just once, but many times. He told her he belonged to no one, definitely not her. He didn't need a wife, didn't want a wife, Laila shouldn't try to be one. So he's in the clear ... or he should be. 

He used her for physical release, as a sounding board ... he used her, full stop. He never bothered to think if she needed him. Whether eight years of a relationship meant more to her than she let on. Whenever she tried to be caring, to give him more than what he wanted, he brushed her off. It was all about his wants, his needs.  And now when Laila brings it forcibly to his notice that she wants more, expected more .. he feels guilty. Because he did know it, did realise it, but as long as he could sweep her needs under the carpet and continue with the status quo, he did.

And Laila allowed him to ... because she thought the status quo would continue forever too ... he would never let another woman into his life ... she, Laila was the closest he would let any woman get to him. And she was happy with that. 

But now there is another woman closer to him than Laila is. And Laila feels betrayed. 

When she asked him about Paro the first time, knife at his throat, he brushed her off then too. He owed Laila nothing ... Paro was his witness, official business, Laila had no right to know about her. But he did feel guilty enough to try to tell Laila it wasn't what she was thinking, it wasn't a normal marriage ... he did feel he owed her that much. But when she threatened Paro, all thoughts of reassuring Laila, what he owed Laila disappeared .. it was only Paro and her safety. And Laila saw that. 

And today ...again she sees ... for Rudra, Paro is everything ... and she is nothing. He brushed off the poisoned haldi when it fell on him ... and rushed to save Paro. He doesn't want to tell Paro about Laila ... what will Paro think of him for having a liaison with a tamashevaali? He knows Paro has just begun to trust him, to respect him ... will the knowledge lower him in Paro's eyes? 

And after he sends Paro away ... with the utmost respect and tenderness, taking care to wrap her in a dark cloth, to hide her sodden frame from the world ... he takes pains to tell Laila that their relationship is over. He left her in Jaipur, he snapped ties with her then ... she has no claim on him now ... and hence to right to berate Paro for coming between them. Because there is nothem, there is no Rudra-Laila. 

And he needs to do that ... to quiet his own conscience. He knows he led Laila on, he did tell her not to have expectations, true ... but when she did, he did nothing to squash them. He continued the relationship because it suited him. And now he realises he doesn't want the relationship any more. He doesn't need it ... because he has what he needs with Paro. 

And Laila can see that. 

She can see the tenderness, the respect he gives Paro ... respect he never gave her. 

He covers her carefully ... with Laila, it was only about uncovering. 

He doesn't want Laila to tell Paro about their relationship ... a man who doesn't care about relationships, who doesn't believe in relationships ... he is worried about his image in Paro's eyes. 

He doesn't see the wound he gave Laila ... in his worry over the wound, the burns Paro might have suffered ... 

Rudra wants Paro's respect and trust ... he has worked hard to earn it ... and he is scared that he will lose it ... because of Laila.