Thursday 4th April '13
The first skirmish between Chhanchhan and Uma Ben ... on ideals. Uma Ben sees nothing wrong with giving dowry, it saved her family in a time of crisis. Chhanchhan sees everything wrong, when the dowry is demanded, and can impoverish the giver. And doesn't go to the daughter anyway, it goes to the in-laws, and she might not see a penny of it.
Besides, what kind of trade is this ... trade is give and take - here, it is give all the way on one side, and take all the way on the other!
In some communities, the young men have to pay a bride price for their bride ... while that practise is equally bad, at least they're paying for their bride and taking her home ... with dowry, the bride's family pays for the boy, and don't even get to take him home!
But Uma Ben isn't hearing a word ... if Chhanchhan wants forgiveness and Tushar bhai's job and house back, then she wants a published apology. And she will even fix the rishta again ... with the same terms and conditions.
I think that was where Uma Ben miscalculated big time ... under no circumstances was Chhanchhan ready to give in to that last demand ... they didn't want that rishta at all!
So the girls make their plans ... and the next day Uma Ben gets her apology ... but not what she expected ... not at all.
First round - to Chhanchhan.
(Though I thought it would have made more sense to check with her parents before they went ahead with the ad, rather than after ...
)
What I loved ... Uma Ben all set to re-fix the wedding, with all the attendent 'vyavhar' ... fully confident that Purvi and Chhanchhan will give in ... and the smile being wiped off her face. That is what is needed ... the refusal to bow down to dowry demands, come what may. And that is where many people falter, because they all believe the girl's family has no choice but to bow down.
Chhanchhan's siblings made an appearance today ... would like to see more of them. Today was all about Chhanchhan and Uma Ben ... they are definitely the backbone of the show.
Manav and Himanshu were there too ... didn't add much value ... except that Manav is now 'ready' to say sorry to Chhanchhan. Much obliged, mate ... not really, though!
*edited*
Quick edit - Just to add ... Enjoyed again the Chhanchhan-Uma Ben confrontation ... Chhanchhan is idealistic and has very strong views on right and wrong, but she is also just a young girl very upset over the repurcussions that her taking a stand has had on Purvi's life ... the loss of her father's job and home ... she never dreamed that would happen. So she tries to make amends as best she can ... and if abject apology is what is required, she'll do it. Trying to convince Uma Ben is out of the question - as Uma Ben is as firm and fixed on her ideas as she, Chhanchhan, is. So just apologise politely, don't argue or even try to put your point across ... as that is apparently forbidden here ... and hope that is enough to cause a change of heart.
I wonder if Uma Ben had stopped at the demand for a published apology, and not brought in the re-wedding demand, along with the attendant dowry demand, would Chhanchhan have given in? Possible ... but the moment, Uma Ben did that, she overplayed her hand. And lost the first battle.
Moral of the story - stop while you're ahead ... don't try to negotiate on non-negotiables. Uma Ben, daughter of a baniya, expert in trade and deal-making, failed to recognize that. Failed to see that the wedding was the one thing that was NOT wanted ... was positively undesirable, in fact. The apology was aimed at redemption for the house and the job, no more.
Liked the "public apology" ... which made it clear the objections to dowry and the reasons ... and that is why it is now cloaked under the name of 'gifts for the bride', the evils of the practise and how it impoverishes the girl's parents, sometimes for life ... the letter was completely about dowry demands, and how girls need to be self-reliant in order to prevent such demands ... it made no reference to Uma Ben or the broken wedding at all.
It should have pointed out that asking for dowry is a criminal offence as well ...and those demanding dowry can be jailed ...
If Uma Ben stops to think, it actually provided her a way out ... by claiming she fixed the rishta but had no knowledge herself about the dowry demands, she could paint herself perfectly white ... but I guess she was too mad at being outwitted to realize that.
So now what will Uma Ben do? And since this show is about CC winning over UB, am guessing it will be a fun ride, where CC manages to outwit Uma Ben more often than not.
Refreshing change from other shows where evil always seems to triumph over good!
Another good review
http://www.bollywoodlife.com/news-gossip/chhanchhan-tv-review-sanaya-irani-and-supriya-pathak-drive-this-saas-bahu-saga/
More news on Jhalak Dikhla Jaa.
Sanaya's participation is almost confirmed now. All the articles mention her. Still, keeping fingers crossed till the final list is released by the channel.
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/entertainment/tv/First-look-of-Jhalak-Dikhhla-Jaa-season-6/articleshow/19414449.cms
and
http://www.bollywoodlife.com/news-gossip/sanaya-irani-and-karanvir-bohra-in-jhalak-dikhhla-jaa-6/
The first skirmish between Chhanchhan and Uma Ben ... on ideals. Uma Ben sees nothing wrong with giving dowry, it saved her family in a time of crisis. Chhanchhan sees everything wrong, when the dowry is demanded, and can impoverish the giver. And doesn't go to the daughter anyway, it goes to the in-laws, and she might not see a penny of it.
Besides, what kind of trade is this ... trade is give and take - here, it is give all the way on one side, and take all the way on the other!
In some communities, the young men have to pay a bride price for their bride ... while that practise is equally bad, at least they're paying for their bride and taking her home ... with dowry, the bride's family pays for the boy, and don't even get to take him home!But Uma Ben isn't hearing a word ... if Chhanchhan wants forgiveness and Tushar bhai's job and house back, then she wants a published apology. And she will even fix the rishta again ... with the same terms and conditions.
I think that was where Uma Ben miscalculated big time ... under no circumstances was Chhanchhan ready to give in to that last demand ... they didn't want that rishta at all!
So the girls make their plans ... and the next day Uma Ben gets her apology ... but not what she expected ... not at all.
First round - to Chhanchhan.
(Though I thought it would have made more sense to check with her parents before they went ahead with the ad, rather than after ...
)What I loved ... Uma Ben all set to re-fix the wedding, with all the attendent 'vyavhar' ... fully confident that Purvi and Chhanchhan will give in ... and the smile being wiped off her face. That is what is needed ... the refusal to bow down to dowry demands, come what may. And that is where many people falter, because they all believe the girl's family has no choice but to bow down.
Chhanchhan's siblings made an appearance today ... would like to see more of them. Today was all about Chhanchhan and Uma Ben ... they are definitely the backbone of the show.
Manav and Himanshu were there too ... didn't add much value ... except that Manav is now 'ready' to say sorry to Chhanchhan. Much obliged, mate ... not really, though!
*edited*
Quick edit - Just to add ... Enjoyed again the Chhanchhan-Uma Ben confrontation ... Chhanchhan is idealistic and has very strong views on right and wrong, but she is also just a young girl very upset over the repurcussions that her taking a stand has had on Purvi's life ... the loss of her father's job and home ... she never dreamed that would happen. So she tries to make amends as best she can ... and if abject apology is what is required, she'll do it. Trying to convince Uma Ben is out of the question - as Uma Ben is as firm and fixed on her ideas as she, Chhanchhan, is. So just apologise politely, don't argue or even try to put your point across ... as that is apparently forbidden here ... and hope that is enough to cause a change of heart.
I wonder if Uma Ben had stopped at the demand for a published apology, and not brought in the re-wedding demand, along with the attendant dowry demand, would Chhanchhan have given in? Possible ... but the moment, Uma Ben did that, she overplayed her hand. And lost the first battle.
Moral of the story - stop while you're ahead ... don't try to negotiate on non-negotiables. Uma Ben, daughter of a baniya, expert in trade and deal-making, failed to recognize that. Failed to see that the wedding was the one thing that was NOT wanted ... was positively undesirable, in fact. The apology was aimed at redemption for the house and the job, no more.
Liked the "public apology" ... which made it clear the objections to dowry and the reasons ... and that is why it is now cloaked under the name of 'gifts for the bride', the evils of the practise and how it impoverishes the girl's parents, sometimes for life ... the letter was completely about dowry demands, and how girls need to be self-reliant in order to prevent such demands ... it made no reference to Uma Ben or the broken wedding at all.
It should have pointed out that asking for dowry is a criminal offence as well ...and those demanding dowry can be jailed ...
If Uma Ben stops to think, it actually provided her a way out ... by claiming she fixed the rishta but had no knowledge herself about the dowry demands, she could paint herself perfectly white ... but I guess she was too mad at being outwitted to realize that.
So now what will Uma Ben do? And since this show is about CC winning over UB, am guessing it will be a fun ride, where CC manages to outwit Uma Ben more often than not.
Refreshing change from other shows where evil always seems to triumph over good!
Another good review
http://www.bollywoodlife.com/news-gossip/chhanchhan-tv-review-sanaya-irani-and-supriya-pathak-drive-this-saas-bahu-saga/
More news on Jhalak Dikhla Jaa.
Sanaya's participation is almost confirmed now. All the articles mention her. Still, keeping fingers crossed till the final list is released by the channel.
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/entertainment/tv/First-look-of-Jhalak-Dikhhla-Jaa-season-6/articleshow/19414449.cms
and
http://www.bollywoodlife.com/news-gossip/sanaya-irani-and-karanvir-bohra-in-jhalak-dikhhla-jaa-6/
The full review
ReplyDeleteChhanchhan TV review: Sanaya Irani and Supriya Pathak drive this saas bahu saga!
Sony TV’s new show is entertaining, engaging, and witty too at times, in spite of being a saas bahu saga
Chhanchhan is the story of a modern woman who can handle her family, career, and her love life with utmost ease. That itself had us intrigued, and watching experienced and talented actors like Supriya Pathak and Sanaya Irani was an added bonus.
The first few episodes concentrated on establishing Sanaya’s character and her eccentric family. Chhanchhan – a dog trainer by profession – believes in doing the right thing. Just like all protagonists out there!
Her family includes her dad (Jaineeraj Rajpurohit) – a modern art painter, mom (Anjali Mukhi) – a History professor, younger brother (Sharman Jain) – a wildlife photographer, sister – a tattoo artist and a grandmother. There’s nothing typical about them and that’s something we liked a lot.
The other central character of the show is Uma Ben – an influential Gujarati lady, who plays the game only to win it, be it by hook or by crook – essayed beautifully by Supriya Pathak. Her first face-off with Chhanchhan is at a temple when Uma Ben bribes a pundit and Chhanchhan protests against it. Clearly, the war has just begun. The chemistry between the two characters sparked at the first instance, and we hope more sparks will fly as the show progresses.
In the next episode, we see Chhanchhan breaking off her friend’s wedding, which is aligned by Uma Ben, ‘coz the girl’s in-laws demand dowry. While Uma Ben tries to convince that it’s not dowry, but merely a gift, Chhanchhan contradicts it and politely tells her what’s wrong is wrong and sugar-coating it doesn’t change the subtext. We must say the dialogues, unlike other daily soaps, are to the point – no long pravachans and gyaan, which is something that works in favour of the show.
There’s a lot that we liked – the dogs, the unique professions, the crisp dialogues, a protagonist with a balanced attitude and a sarcastic antagonist who plays her cards with precision. But there are a few things the makers should really consider working on. The lead opposite Sanaya, Farhan Khan playing the character of Manav, is a major letdown. While there’s no doubt the actor looks good and probably has a decent diction, but dialogue delivery is something that he really needs to work on. And we don’t see much chemistry either. Sanaya Irani’s previous shows were a hit mainly ‘coz of the chemistry she shared with her lead actors, Barun Sobti and Mohit Sehgal. We doubt history will repeat itself in this case. Secondly, the show is supposed to be lighthearted – then what’s with all the rona dhona? We are sure they can make a point without the melodrama, no?
There’s no doubt that Chhanchhan runs entirely on Sanaya and Supriya’s popularity… we hope it’s just about enough to take them that far. All in all, the show is entertaining and hope the makers continue delivering quality content, or else…
Hello Dia, I am Uma your anonymous writer in previous post. Thank you for your warm welcome. Enjoyed reading your POV.
DeleteAbout Thursday's episode, you have gone through most of it. I liked how they highlighted the dowry issue and how Chhan Chhan (CC), Purvi and Simple handled the situation. I only wish the screenplay was a little subtle. We know what CC did a brave deed, it is a practical and correct thing to do and most educated, ‘modern” Indian woman will agree with CC’s action. Does every other episode need to have somebody or other saying it aloud how ‘good’ CC is, how ‘brave’ she is, how she stands up for what is right and her loved ones. Just show appreciation of CC’s friends and family and end the scene there. We will get that CC has their approval and support. Also, the whole shapath thing the friends do, they can be a little less dramatic…I think. I am enjoying the concept just wish the execution was a little less loud, if you will. I agree with you that emphasizing social evils is good and you can never do it enough number of times when they are so deeply entrenched. I am also very pleased it is connecting with audience. I have read so many discussions on IF about dowry and how women should take steps to be self reliant. Considering most of my research papers have to do with gender issues, these things mean a lot to me and I also know people who have lost loved ones to these practices.
SI is a role model for many of her young fans and her doing a role like CC can only be positive.
I really like Supriya Pathak. I have not seen Khichdi but I remember her from movies like Bazaar, Rakh etc. When I read she is going to be part of this show, I was excited. It meant that this role and show had something that attracted an actor of such caliber. SI has a great opportunity to work and learn from her.
DeleteI agree with you about characterization, I hope they show different shades of UB and CC. Otherwise it will slip into a boring match of good and bad, each scoring points and most of the time the scale tipping towards CC as after all she is the goody-two-shoes heroine. I want some give and take, adjustments…not a drama where one is wrong all the time and the other is right all the time. Yes, I agree Vipul Shah’s interview regarding having grey characters in his show, keeps me optimistic too.
Thank the lord UB does not to seem to have issues with girl child, she was quite sweet with her granddaughter. Also, liked UB informing CC why she believes ‘vyavahar’ is good and should be accepted, how a piece of land she got from her father helped her family. Some peek into the mechanics of her brain. She is not necessarily thinking of male superiority but has an old fashioned way of protecting interests of a bahu and her samaan/izzat in samaj.
Yes, Farhan has to act much better, but I will be patient. For now I am trusting the producers’ reasons for selecting him and hope their faith in him is rewarded. At least from the interviews FK seems to be aware and willing to put in the effort. He wants to prove himself, well, he got the opportunity on a platter! Use it boy!
It also looks like most so-called A list TV actors whose interviews I have read or heard seem to want to move to Bollywood. Maybe the recent success of couple of them is an added impetus. Many top TV actresses, including SI, don’t seem that
enamored by BW (interesting…says a lot about the industry).
Now coming to BG music, I wish they would tone it down a bit. It was a bit jarring in the UB and CC scene, maybe because I pay more attention during that time. Does the music have to play all the time, something I have noticed in other soaps too.
DeleteSo it is a mixed bag for me right now, most good, some improvement needed, but enough for me to tune in week. Of course, SI and SP are a big draw. I feel if they saw something in the story, I will give it a try. Can’t agree more about storytelling… that will be their test.
Sanaya reminds me of many talented, professional women who are great team players and hard workers and end up getting short end of the stick. Despite Star Plus using her to promote their brand and programs again and again, they did not give her even one individual award for Khushi at last Star Parivaar Awards, that really irked me. It is just one such instance, there are many more problems which have been discussed here by others. What I admire in her is the ability to take it all in her stride and keep doing her work with the same enthusiasm. I hope she picks an award or two this time for acting, not her beauty.
Glad the first week TRP is decent and all reviews are positive. The start is good, hope they can maintain it and build a momentum. There is a promo per episode and team seems enthusiastic.
Chalo dekhte hai...until my next post whenever that is...shubh ratri.
Hi Uma, and welcome again :)))
DeleteJust a quick yes to most of your points again ... I also hope Chhanchhan doesn't become too preachy ... I also felt the last bit on Thursday was a bit overdone with everyone saying again and again how wonderful Chhanchhan is ... not required, in my opinion. The collective action by the girls was good, it could have been left at that. But if that is what is going to establish Chhanchhan as the proponent of Nayi soch, and even more, get Sanaya some awards, then I will take it ... though I hope they tone it down and make it more subtle. Am a fierce proponent of working self-reliant women too, so I like the message the show is giving.
Again going back to earlier discussions here, although BALH never raked in major TRP's for too long, but Ram and Sakshi have gotten a lot of recognition and almost all the major awards ...
Sanaya, despite her hard work and amazing talent, was ignored mainly because Khushi's character was too uneven and wacky, and was always compromised to glorify Arnav's. And she never complained, she put her complete 100% into her work all the time, even if it meant playing the clown, holding up the show almost single handedly at times. The last few months, Sanaya was on screen the bulk of the episode every single day ... she must have been exhausted, but her energy on screen never flagged.
Always happens, the ones who work hard, don't throw any tantrums or make any demands, get taken for granted and ignored ... I'm glad that her talent and hard work has been recognised by the industry, even if belatedly.
I am a bit happier about Uma Ben after Thursday ... she had her reason for believing in dowry, the tukda of land given by her father helped save her family. The problem is that when given freely and to the daughter, it is a gift - it started as 'streedhan' ... the daughter's inheritance because she could not inherit property, so she was given cash and jewelry and gifts in lieu ... the problem started when it became a demand, went into the in-laws' pocket, instead of remaining the bride's personal property and her security, and when the demands spiralled out of control and forced the girls' parents into debt or even poverty ... All customs probably started with some reason behind them, the problem is the reason gets lost and the customs become warped and meaningless with time, and that's when they need reform.
Also Uma Ben's relationship with her DILs is interesting ... she likes being in complete control, but it is iron hand in velvet glove, she is not fool enough to antagonise her DILs, and the way she treats them will never spark open rebellion. So there is more to unfold as they start laying out all the characters ... there are many more to be explored, we've just seen a glimpse of most of them.
Am okay with the BG music actually ... it could be better and softer :))) Watched ZGH over the weekend - there the music really jars! I like Supriya Pathak a lot too ... I remember her from Bazaar where she was so beautiful! Her last role in Wake Up Sid was excellent ... she was really good there! Haven't seen her as Hansa, so for me, she is very much a serious actress.
Let's see how it goes ... am in it for the long haul :))) Sanaya and Supriya are so far enough to keep me watching ... and I love the dogs! Farhan - I will give him more time.
Friday is one night I can watch most shows as they air...so I tuned into Sony and realised- No CC on Fridays!
ReplyDeleteTrying to catch up on the thurs repeats and no luch there too! No repeats on Saturday afternoons! I guess I have to catch it on Monday.
Nope, Sony has repeats only of Anamika and Amita ka Amit, I think! Thursday repeats probably air on Mondays only :(
DeleteSanaya's participation in Jhalak Dikhla Ja 6 is almost confirmed by the media. All the articles list her as a probable participant. TOI is the latest to report ...
ReplyDeleteMadhuri Dixit, Remo and Karan Johar are the judges. Bharati is one of the hosts - this should be fun, she is a live wire. Just caught a glimpse of her on Masterchef, she was making the chefs blush! :)))
From Rekha ...
ReplyDeleteCC...well a bit disappointed after i read the updates here....seems like any othersaas-bahu show with all the gudness loaded on one side...makes for a poor conflict, imo. Supriya's role could have had more dimensions to make it a more interesting contest.
DABH despite its very off-putting framework seems to be going about its point rather clearly...had seen a couple of episodes few weeks ago when the FL makes a point clearly to her MIL and their faceoff....on the face of it it seemed a challenge thrown to Sandhya to prove a point....however it underscored an important aspect...the challenge of how to get a modern idea to make inroads into very rigid terrain..i have no idea whats happening on that front now..but i am impressed that the makers are trying to say something there altho the wick appears to be doing nothing to help the lamp...maybe the wick is in the mode of they also serve who only stand and wait!!
I watched Jolly LLB over the weekend, and then read Rekha's post, and something struck me. Rekha, you have said this earlier ... DABH is geared to address a section of the audience where it is difficult for a woman to raise her voice, because of deep rooted conventions and traditions. Hence Bhabho is shown as a traditional MIL, and her beliefs are attributed to lack of education ... in other words, she has an excuse for behaving the way she does, hence we take her as not being purely black, but grey ... her POV is understandable because of her background.
DeleteChhanchhan on the other hand, we brand Uma Ben as being pure black.
But is she all that unreal?
The highest rates for female foeticide in India are in Punjab, one of the wealthiest states of India. Even worse, the rates are higher among the so-called "educated" classes ... so what excuse do they have? Can't say lack of education here is a reason, can we? And the basic reason for female foeticide actually comes back to dowry, well, one of the reasons, anyway. The girl child is a burden because she is 'paraya dhan', she will go off to her in-laws and it's the son who will be the support in his parents' old age ... and when the daughter goes, she has to married off with a lot of pomp and splendour, and given gifts ... which can impoverish the parents. And the more educated the groom ... a doctor, engineer, lawyer, government servant ... the HIGHER is the dowry. So education does not seem to have helped to eradicate the system, it has actually made it worse. And dowry being a punishable offence, it is now cloaked under the guise of "gifts".
DABH is comfortable to watch, because one can keep it at arm's length ... and say "Oh this is not about us, this is about the uneducated masses."
But if dowry was only happening among the uneducated masses, then it wouldn't be a problem in cities, would it? Female foeticide would happen only in poor villages, and not in rich urban settings ...
My mom asked me this question ... if a girl is in love, getting married, and the guy at the last minute tells her that his parents want dowry and he also thinks there is nothing wrong with their demand ... what should the girl do? Especially if the dowry is not going to impoverish the girl's parents, but is not going to the girl either ... like "gifts" for the boy's parents, siblings, relatives, a demand to have the wedding in a five star hotel, have at least five functions, etc etc ... Demands which may not impoverish the parents, but will strain their resources and may be more than what they had planned to spend. What should the girl do?
Many educated people make these demands, because they feel their standing in society demands this. And most parents give in, because they feel it is a one off thing. They may be right, they might be wrong.
DeleteAlso when a girl gets married, it is a custom in some communities that the girl's maternal grandfather, or failing that, her mamas (mother's brothers) are expected to finance the girl's wedding dress and jewelry.
Touching on the other evil shown ... bribery ... that is definitely not about the poor uneducated masses... that is about the rich using their money and power to get away with murder. As was shown in Jolly LLB, as happened in the real case it was inspired from, as happened in the Jessica Lal case. Bribing a police constable when you skip a red light, bribing a govt official for a phone connection, using "pull" or contacts to skip queues ... that's done by people with power and money ... they also happen to be educated. Small things, but they reflect the problems in society today. I think everyone who has contacts at shrines like Vaishno Devi, uses some contacts to get darshan quickly and skip the queue ... use or misuse of power and authority?
If I have to get work done in any government department in HK, it is such a smooth ride, because things WORK! You fill out the right forms, submit the required documents, pay the official fee ... and your work is done within an hour or two, and usually with polite smiles from the officials, and a completely helpful attitude.
Chhanchhan might be a typical saas bahu show, or it might not. But with the setting it's based in, it will throw up some interesting scenarios. Supriya P might or might not be typical evil saas ... but she is already a reflection of some of the problems in the educated classes of India.
In other words ... in case it got lost in my long-winded post ;) ...
DeleteChhanchhan is not another DABH. It's not even another Saathiya. Am not sure what it is at the moment ... that's a different matter :))) Family drama, social drama or simple sit-com ... maybe a mixture.
Dia, read ur above posts with interest....
Delete"Supriya P might or might not be typical evil saas ... but she is already a reflection of some of the problems in the educated classes of India"
For me any one...saas or not, female or not....if they are not able to comprehend the concept of gender equality, are merely literate people not educated people...if their education has not conveyed this simple point, i refuse to call them "educated"
But i will happily concede that that this is a real issue among all classes....many becos they do not know better and also many becos they do not wish to accept it for what it is and therein lies the real dilemma or danger...I can see some light when the issue is of ignorance but i see a lot of darkness when it is about impudence..like in Umaben's case (just to give an example)I am not saying that the impudence cannot be overturned but merely that the climb is that much steeper....if chanchan manages to convey that well...it may well be worth it!!
for me the first question is what causes people like Umaben to change and therein lies my lack of fascination for such themes....i don't know if its my bias but in a narrative i may accept a Bhaboo changing as compared to an Umaben turning over a new leaf...
Also, it is a matter of suspended disbelief for me when it comes to change in attitudes, some attitudes ingrained over years that even "education" can't seem to tide over..what causes "educated" people (including women) to think that men were meant to subjugate women...and what can cause such people to genuinely change their views.
I will not compare DABH with CC for now...altho my post seemed to indicate that...
My reason for not comparing the two is this...
DABH is set in a diff mileu....the way i see it, it is meant to convey that walls of conservatism can be broken with a real will. As of now Sandhya appears real not mahaan and for me that is a big thing considering she is a bahu and a SP bahu at that...
CC, in that sense has a bigger challenge...the adversary is not only conservative, she is impudent, expedient in her beliefs...so it will be a diffi thing to change her views without the narrative going the predictable preachy or "i will change u with my innate goodness" like all mahaan bahus in teledom do way...if CC can avoid that it would achieved something diff in that saas-bahu framework...
And to add....my main point which obviously got lost in my post as well is this
DeleteThe reason i don't much care for saas-bahu themes is the inherent lack of maneuverability in the saas-bahu relationship unlike between say lovers or spouses. There is this lack of transparency which always hinders
the real emotion from being expressed
Every saas-bahu relationship will have a "daayara" or a traditional framework to maintain...for me the relationship does not have too much scope for differences in treatment in narrative...and frankly TV will always be limited in how to present that to a picky audience.....its a gud thing that the major saas-bahu audience ( and i don't mean to say that in a condescending way at all!) is not that picky and so the themes, even if half-baked will sell...
Hmm ... I do get where you're coming from, Rekha ... more or less ;)
DeleteBut I feel that while there is a lack of maneuverability and a certain formality which will always be maintained, there can be different ways to handle the relationships, and it is interesting to watch if handled well. The topic is touchy, because most of us have, or will be, in both positions ... and our own views change with our position ... it is an interesting way to check our own standards ... sometimes it can actually get uncomfortable if it hits too close to home. And when the characters are black and white, or totally unrelated to our own lives, we can express opinions ... but when they are closer to home, or reflect our own thoughts then we are forced to introspect.
For me, Sandhya is not real ... an educated girl agreeing to marry at fifteen days notice, a completely uneducated guy ... worse, her equally educated brother forcing her, and no sight of any other relative in the world ... DABH lost its credibility for me at that point itself, and has not really regained it. After that, it has been a BV ... meant to educate a certain audience, of which I am not a part ... I am only an onlooker. But I like the way it handles tracks ... the last I saw (only from promos, I have not watched the show for ages!) was the Expose the Swami track ... a topic much needed in India ... but again, I watch as an onlooker, because I don't believe in Swamis at all. So I am not sitting on the fence there at all.
With Chhanchhan, I can see it becoming more real ... my mother wore pallus, I don't ... was she wrong, am I wrong? Or are we both right in our own way? The older generation didn't address their husbands by name, we do ... how did the change happen? And over just one generation? There was a scene in Ferrari Ki Sawar in which the father of the little boy pays a fine to a policeman for skipping the light, the police guy tells him to forget it because no one saw, the dad says, my son saw, so I have to show him what is right. Social changes don't always need big revolutions, they need small changes, which we have to make in ourselves. And sometimes showing those things on screen holds up a mirror and can have a bigger influence than any preaching - at least it makes people feel that they have the power and the opportunity to make some changes themselves. Which is why movies like NOKJ, Jolly LLB and shows like DABH and BV work ... and hopefully Chhanchhan will work too.
Dia,
DeleteI completely agree DABH is meant for a specific audience. I also accept that the different ways in which relationships are portrayed can make viewing in that genre interesting...my pet peeve YRKKH is a prime example of it. The saas-bahu relationship therein is pretty much close to many real lives...where there is a inherent tendency in the relationship to attribute motives to actions...but what used to put me off in that serial is the tendency to show the FL as holier-than-thou all the time...I always maintain that many problems in a traditional saas-bahu relationship are purely due to inability to be more direct in communication, goes with the territory..i guess...
My defence (if at all i can call it that) of DABH is not the basis of its credibility.
where Sandhya still remains real for me is in respect of her ability to convey her contrarian position to her family members...one of the tufest things to do for a woman without attracting some unfavorable accusations along the way....esp so in a familial setting when she is more educated than the family members. Beyond that it is meant to be preachy and will be so...no escaping that!!
CC is early days...how CC and UB handle their relationship once they become relatives will be actual thing, i guess....what causes UB to change will be crux, imo. Its in that part that the PH has to be "different".
My defence on Sandhya is my complete ignorance ... :))) I watched the show the first month or so, and haven't watched it after that, found it unbearable. Whatever little I know is from the promos I have seen. So I really don't know if she is real or not ... if you find her so, I happily accept it :)))
DeleteWill Uma Ben change? I think the focus is more the dysfunctional relationships in the family and how Chhanchhan sorts those out ... that was the blurb for the show. And after Monday's episode, that seems to be the way forward ... not any major social change. That was probably only to lay the background. Again, very early days yet ... I just plan to watch and enjoy this as it comes :)))
Rekh,
DeleteMissed you...and Mona and Sandy.
Lovely points you put across there:
'where Sandhya still remains real for me is in respect of her ability to convey her contrarian position to her family members...one of the tufest things to do for a woman without attracting some unfavorable accusations along the way....esp so in a familial setting when she is more educated than the family members.'
'CC, in that sense has a bigger challenge...the adversary is not only conservative, she is impudent, expedient in her beliefs...so it will be a diffi thing to change her views without the narrative going the predictable preachy or "i will change u with my innate goodness" like all mahaan bahus in teledom do way...if CC can avoid that it would achieved something diff in that saas-bahu framework...'
This is the reason why I find DABH has done a decent job too. And they have gone about it without creating a lot of fanfare- silent, steady...and maintaining the trps.
Sandhya is real for me too, because she has stuck to her ideals within the conservative framework she has been confined to. She has respectfully disagreed with her MIL most of the times and gone about proving herself, AVOIDING ego clashes.
I love that concept of a woman maintaining her individuality without ruffling feathers - quietly, calmly going about reaching her goals. I feel DABH is an applause-worthy project that way- the most ideal solution to a saas- bahu clash!
I kind of remembered Tu Tu main Main in the discussions here- don't remember much about it, but I felt that was a good MIL- DIL relationship too- of course, it was a comedy, but here was something very sweet about the duo.
Forgot to mention this. I feel CC will not disappoint too- if I remember right, Toasty in SBS was a very level headed woman who worked within her constraints. CC will not be preachy.
DeleteHi Su, hows u? hows QH going for u...i can see sparks but the real element is missing for me....Gul seems lost in all that paraphernalia.....toy factory, badi bi, razia...total time waste!! hehehe...wished she had focussed on just Asad and Zoy only....they are interesting personalities by themselves...one a control freak, one a mast maula....ban sakti thi ek kahani khaas...esp when Gul has the ability to make aam moments khaas.....but my suspicion has always been the backstory for the lovebirds was always a bit weak unlike Arhi....
DeleteDia, i missed a part of ur post regarding ur mom's question....for me it has always been a issue of what is negotiable and not-negotiable in a relationship...agreed some of these are not apparently visible before the relationship takes off the ground but a lot is...I would say if a woman gets to know that the person she is in love with has asked her to consider a dowry demand from his family....its a clear case of alarm bells ringing...she should be firm to convey her thots and expect that her lover resolve the issue becos for me...if the boy can't stand his ground on an issue as elemental as this, how can he be expected to stand up for more important ones..
Again..i accept many choose to ignore this and expect that it will be worked out becos "ladke mein baki sab teekh hain"...personally, i would not be comfortable becos it is a non-negotiable aspect but i know many consider this an expedient issue which can be swept under the carpet...I would say...i consider this issue a fair warning on what to expect in future...a case of proceed at ur own risk....having said that....there are also cases which have worked out well despite initial hiccups in relationships...seems a strange situation really...
I am lost wrt other shows now ... had a marathon ZGH session, now it is only Veera and CC as of now ... have lost track of QH and MB completely. Just enjoying Shwethu's reviews now :)))
DeleteDABH ... I thought the initial premise was a man standing by his wife, including standing up for her at all times. How much he has done that, I don't know ... haven't been following the show at all ... again the concept of an educated girl making changes in her less educated in-laws' family is something that really appealed to me, so did some of the tracks they did like the Swami one ... many others did not appeal, neither did the characters, including the cunning younger bhabhi, and the loud Bhabho - Bhabho was shrieking LOUD at the start, I used to mute her scenes when she came on.
But if the show has succeeded in showing how a girl can bring changes in her family within those constraints, it is really admirable, and there are lots of women who will relate to it.
But what gets my goat in such shows is WHY is it always the girl who has to prove herself, and be all quiet and respectful while her parents, her family and her upbringing are being questioned? That's not just a problem in shows, it's a problem in our society as well ... being quiet is taken as a sign of being well brought up. One doesn't have to be rude, but one can make one's point politely and not stay quiet. I would not allow anyone to point fingers at my parents ... not under ANY circumstances.
So if CC does stand up for herself and not allow her parents and her upbringing to be questioned at all, I will applaud her ... regardless of how many feathers she ruffles in the process. Something I feel very strongly about ...
The dowry question ... is a very tough one. I know of couples who decided to split wedding costs 50-50 between both families, I think in Marathi culture, the gift-giving is two way ... in many North Indian cultures, it is one way only ... for the rest of the girl's life. It is an irritant, especially if the boy genuinely doesn't see anything wrong with it, and there are actually no other demands as such. So I think most people would take the expedient way out ... which is the problem, and the reason why these practices persist.
Rekh,
DeleteI am doing good.
Qh gets diluted with the paraphrenalia, I agree. I guess Gul realised there are few takers for just an intense love story. But it has worked 4 me- Gul clicks for me, I guess.
I was bugged with Raziya- Badi Bi at one point, not any more. They have picked up the pace with AsYa recently- I think it will stay for some time. Somehow I have the patience to sit through the other household- off late, I have realised that if I link everything to Asad and Zoya, it becomes interesting. The current black magic track is an interesting peek into Raziya's character. She is eccentric- has raised the bars for kitchen politics! LOL.
Seriously, she is an interesting character for me. The passion which drove a house wife to kill the other woman in her husband's life, her conviction that she is justified in the same to the extent she gloats about it... and then the sudden shift to the manipulative mother who wants a smile on her child's face....I am hooked on as you can see! LOL!
Dia,
On why the girl has to prove herself- why is the woman blessed with a uterus? Why is it that only she can nurture a baby? Why is she the better half? Why is she the one who stays the pillar in a family?
It is not about sacrificing for me, it is the gift a woman has received- the unique gift of forgiveness and adaptability. When two people from two bgs come together, one has to adjust more than the other. And if tradition demands that you stay with your in- laws, it is up to a smart woman to know how to balance her career with her family. It is a fine act ONLY A WOMAN CAN MANAGE. That demand has never been made of me, but I admire the women who manage that!
And about politely disagreeing, ( hate it that I am sounding like a DABH fan), Sandhya does exactly that. Even as her MIL ridicules her, she stands by what she believes, trying to keep within the line. And I think in the end, it is about her winning her MIL's trust and respect and thus bringing about a change in her thinking...it is a long way, but she is willing to work hard at this!
The dowry question- what irks me about the whole issue is the DOUBLE STANDARDS! The same people who give dowry, take dowry too! It is more like giving off the girl's share in that case, and I guess because I live in a male dominated society, I feel this is one way a girl gets some share of her father's property.
What I see around me very often is the family taking loans to pay off the dowry when they cling on to the ancestral property THAT MUST GO TO THE SON! And once the girl is married off, all dues are settled. She is not her father's responsibility any more ! The other side of the coin!
The dowry thing is just the tip of the iceberg for me. The real issue is gender equality. I think we are slowly moving towards achieving that. It will take a long time to accept that as a nation.
BTW,
Check out Gorky's blog.
http://gorkym.com/blog/
He has something on photography and all...Greek and Latin for me. Might interest photography lovers.
He has one entry on the Bollywood Art Project- nice read and pics.
Has a mention of Hitesh Kevalya in Feb. I am looking for him- does anyone have any news of the guy? 'Hello hai Bye Bye!'
Everything associated with Gul fascinates me- LOL!
I read a very interesting interview of Kapil Sharma, I don't know if I posted it here earlier. He is the son of Rakesh Sharma, India's first astronaut, and he recently directed a movie, produced by John Abraham who also acted, I Me aur Main. In his interview, he said that the Indian woman has made huge strides, but the Indian man is yet to catch up with her.
DeleteI also like what he says - the Indian mother who has brought up the Indian man, has also not kept pace with the Indian woman.
That is, I think, the crux of the gender issue in India today. Maybe putting it a bit simplistically, but hey ... there it is.
http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2013-03-02/news-interviews/37373445_1_test-pilots-fighter-planes-indian-air-force
A woman balancing career with family ... it's not only a smart woman who can manage it, it's also a woman with a supportive husband. Just as a successful man needs a supportive wife, a successful woman needs a supportive husband. The only thing is, husbands who are truly supportive, are much rarer commodities, which is why most wives land up compromising their careers - am not talking about jobs here, many women work ... but an actual career path.
But I HAVE seen such wonderful supportive husbands ... even though the wives still are the major domos at home, their careers have never suffered, because the husbands support them completely, sometimes in the face of disapproval from the in-laws, and sometimes with support of the in-laws as well. That's why Suraj does not impress me so much ... a man who can face his parents politely, and tell them - yes, my wife wants to work, her work is as important to her as mine is to me, and we will manage to run our home and our family the way we need to. It may not be the way you like, it may not be perfect, but we are happy with it.
And one of those friends lives in a joint family with her in-laws. Her in-laws cannot say a word to her, because their son does not allow it.
Sorry, this is my pet hobby horse ... gender equality, and especially with respect to working women!
Also ... dowry as being a share of her father's property ... two things here.
DeleteOne ... dowry started off as "Streedhan" ... the concept was exactly that. Girls were not entitled to a share in the father's immovable property, so the streedhan was the daughter's share, given to her for her alone, and to be used by her whenever she needed, also as an insurance for her in case of emergencies. The way Uma Ben said, her piece of property helped her family in a time of need.
BUT ... and this is a big BUT ... the whole concept has become flawed and corrupted over the years and is now dominated by GREED ... the girl often never sees sight of the money or wealth given, it all goes to the in-laws. Again fine - it's in the family, right? But the greed factor comes in ... in-laws demand car, jewelry, cash, gifts ... which the parents cannot afford. Nothing for the girl - when the original concept was that it is HER personal wealth, HER share of the inheritance. So many parents take loans for their daughter's weddings ... driving parents into debt.
All customs start for a reason ... it's when the reason gets lost that the evils appear.
And when boys and girls are equally educated, equally able to earn their own living, then why a one way flow of "gifts"?
And secondly, now by law, a girl CAN inherit her share of father's property and all his wealth ... so why should she be given her share at her wedding? Why not wait like the son, till the father dies? Or decides to hand over his property, whenever he wants? And often it is the ancestral property which is mortgaged to pay for the dowry, or the fixed deposits and provident funds are encashed ... the ancestral property is often the place the parents are living in themselves ... it's not that they're saving it for the son, it's often the only roof over their own heads.
Dia,
DeleteI agree that Suraj should be a supportive husband who can stand up for his wife. However, he is not educated like most of the men we come across in our lives. I guess it will take him some time and growth to muster up the courage to stand up for his wife's rights. He is a simple village guy who has simply not been allowed to make decisions all his life- so he does not have the confidence to assert his views. I guess all he can do right now is sympathise with his wife and support her in whatever way he can. The other alternative'd be to walk out on his family to teach bhaabho a lesson. And then Sandhya follows her dreams, they start a family, bhaabho has to turn to them in old age when she is neglected by her other son and DIL... Both scenarios happen in real life, I suppose.
On the daughter having equal share in the ancestral property, how realistic is that? When there is a son around, I don't know of any daughter who has been gifted that. I am talking about what happens around me day in and day out.My mother does not get a share of her dad's property, my paternal aunts do not get a share of my grandfather's property, my husband's sister does not get a share of my FIL 's property and I don't even dream of a share in my dad's...everyone knows the law, but it is a simple rule that is respected!
This, in spite of what this iconic woman has achieved for the women in our country:
'
'Mary Roy, a divorcee and a mother of two children had walked out on her marriage and settled down in her maternal house in Ootty. But, her misery took a new turn in 1965 when her brother asked her to move out of the house because a married woman was not supposed to enjoy her father’s property. Thus started her legal battle for the property rights for Christian women. Her father was no more at that time............. “I am relieved that my long struggle for justice has yielded result. My battle was not for a piece of land alone but to ensure that women in this country enjoy the rights guaranteed by the Constitution,” Mary Roy said.'
http://www.thesundayindian.com/en/story/iron-ladymary-roy--/27/10116/
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/home/stoi/Theres-something-about-Mary/articleshow/15871684.cms
And I feel much more strongly about this unwritten rule than the dowry thing. Simply because whoever I know who has given dowry, has also taken dowry in their son's names. And at least in this part of the country, that is the only share a girl gets other than the expenditure for the first pregnancy and so on. But I do understand the aspect of too much being demanded from a poor or lower middle class family. I guess I have simply never seen the dowry in its ugliest form. The max worst I have seen is when one of my friend's in- laws attempted to use her dowry to conduct their daughter's wedding and she refused outright. That was a shocking demand from such an educated family.
"But the greed factor comes in ... in-laws demand car, jewelry, cash, gifts ... which the parents cannot afford. Nothing for the girl - when the original concept was that it is HER personal wealth, HER share of the inheritance."- this is the ugly face of dowry everyone fights. And I am with you.
DeleteI guess we are both exposed to two faces of gender inequality.I feel a girl faces oppression both at her father's house and her husband's house. I have felt strongly about this right from my childhood when I realised my grandparents did not consider their daughters equal to their sons. A lot has changed, but I still see men who put their wives through innumerable pregnancies to get that elusive male heir! I guess this is why my bitterness is more towards the parents differentiating between their children- I feel that should be tackled first.
And when it comes to Purvi's dad, even though it is a fictional tale, I cannot help wondering what his reaction would have been when he received news of a girl child- did he wish for a son?
Incidentally, I caught 5 minutes of DABH in between the cricket mania and found Meena fretting over a nightmare of having a girl child, and her suddenly sensible husband reassuring her that it did not matter- I am really glad that the most watched show is tackling the most needed issues.
" which is why most wives land up compromising their careers - am not talking about jobs here, many women work ... "- I always felt it was a compromise between the couple, an understanding about who stays for the kids...since we are talking about nuclear families where there is no luxury of parental support that joint families provide. (I guess that is another great debate- nuclear family or joint family- my personal view is that if both parents are career oriented, it is better that the grandparents help in bringing up the kids rather than the maid.)
Su, Dia....a range of topics discussed above....
Deletesome of my musings...picking up from points u have already made.....
1) While Suraj of DABH may not be wick or lamp in the form that we would expect but I tend to agree with Su...his tacit carte blanche is his real form of support, if u will....telling her i am there behind u all the way...well the real fact is...teledom somehow does not usually confer any respectability on male roles...Teledom is supposed to be the ultimate female SKD...having that larger than life image..being the shakti, durga, kali all in one!!
2)on inheritance the law is very clear....its only ancestral wealth(inherited property/effects)that ensures equal inheritance for either gender...other property and effects can be willed to anyone as per individual choice...only if there is no will, can it be contested by next of kin...if parents decide to will it to sons, there is nothing that can be done....the way i see it...hope we all ( i mean both boys and girls) only covet the things we actually own...LOL
3)Dowry is not a minor issue....neither is any issue concerning gender equality....its best tackled at the time it erupts rather than sweeping it under the carpet...a liberal upbringing while giving a chance to view life with an openness could also instill the much needed counsel to deal with life's dilemmas and delicate issues with maturity...ofc it means a sea change in attitudes, giving up of prejudices, accepting that life itself is a huge education. We all learn to be more open each day...thats one of life's biggest learnings...we often work with people with lesser/more opportunities for learning and counsel yet hope or have to walk the same path....sometimes as friends, family and sometimes as mere acquaintances
3) On working and supportive systems....i guess there will always be subtle points of difference in how that matter is viewed. Personally, i have not seen any specific empirical evidence that working parents have given poorer (or better) upbringing to their children..it has to boil down to individual points of view and circumstances, what suits a family best and must be a decision based on consensus. My view can differ from views of another family but there must be concurrence within my own family...Su, while it is great to have a trustworthy support system, it is not always possible to be in a position to have it and sometimes tuf choices are made in that light...
4)Career paths.....tuf question...i really don't know the proportion of women who give up the paths out of choice, coercion, lack of will, lack of support from family/spouse...encouragement/moral support is something everyone can freely give but actual support in the form of adjustments to living modes is not an easy thing.
Expectation of such support from family is not necessarily a matter of right while expectation of support for choices from spouse is definitely a matter of right. I can demand that my spouse empathise with my aspirations and walk the extra mile but should i expect the same amount of empathy from immediate family/in-laws...not sure...I feel elders have their own life too....they shouldn't be shackled with responsibilities in the evening of their lives...if they do...it should be of their free will and choice. A woman/man must take the decision to pursue individual career paths in the clear knowledge that it is their own choice not one inflicted by circumstances...no point in ruing that they did not have the freedom to pursue their dreams...
Rekh,
DeleteI agree with all your points.
Just a minor clarification- when I mentioned about grandparents helping out with the kids- I was purely speaking of what seems to be going around me. Definitely, it works out in different ways for different families. You are lucky if you have a support system like that! Elders being burdened with the kids- I don't think anyone can be coerced any more.(Though I have seen that most mothers want their daughters to have what they were denied, and give themselves willingly for the sake of their careers.)
On working moms and child rearing- I simply feel that mostly women take a break from their dreams for the sake of the kids. In no way am I implying that this should be the norm- I am talking about demanding careers. Again, working moms Vs non- working moms- pros and cons to both.
Su, understood and accepted clarification completely..waise this is supposed to be a chanchan comment post and hum pata nahin kahan se kahan ko baat le gaye...humare baton ka bhi koi jawab nahin LOL
DeleteI started watching DABH regularly after IPPKKND end. I like the calm, composed dignity of Sandhya and of course Suraj. They both appear weak but they are the real strong people.
ReplyDeleteBoth, very patient, exactly know their limitations still with their steely grit, without raising their voice stood tall during difficult situations and got their way.
Suraj, when Bhabho aksed to die (for defying her and enrolling Sandhya in night college) did not say sorry for enrolling her .. instead quietly accepted Bhabho's fury n walked towards the river. in the end it was Bhabho and other family that came around. I really like Suraj in all this. he may be uneducated but a fine human being.. I did not see a single gray shade of him. If and when Sandhya really gets her badge, may be we will see some occational insecure Suraj. But I doubt it. Suraj Sandhya love story is one with mutual respect.
In case of Emily and inter-religion marriage Sandhya know her devar's small mind. She did not scheme to get his real face out. She came to know about his involvement purely by putting 2 and 2 together. For that matter, she never assumes Meena's role in any mishap. She needs proof for everything to trigger even a small bit of suspicion. In Emily case too, she did it in her see things in black and white way or thanedaarni way in front of Bhabho and family. Everyone sighed relief when Bhabho agreed to the marriage saying Emily should leave her family and faith behind. But Sandhya objected, questioned what will she do if it was Chavi. Why should Emily leave her faith and family to be accepted? I am not happy with Emily wanting a cheater .. but that is a different issue.
Meena.. she is a small mind too. But I loved it when she was caught with ATM theft and fake doctor issue, she justified herself, questioned Bhabho. I almost felt sorry for her. Meena's husband .. another fine guy. Exactly know his wife.. still loves her. His love does not mean he is against Sandhya or Suraj or Bhabho for that matter. When he had to say it, he said it loud and clear to his wife .. quit being jealous of Sandhya. I only wish Meenudi tones it down a bit. Stuff she does are pure evil sometimes. Thing with the jewellery in swamiji episode was pure evil and harmful to the dignity of entire family. CVs may have thought exposing that and showing that the family once again forgave her is little extreme. That is why it did not come out. Generally there is not a single unnecessary scene in DABH.. so this may come back to haunt Meena some other time.
It will be interesting to see the family dynamics once Emily joins the family and Sandhya starts going to the same college as Chavi. Can Meena scheme against two co-sisters or will it be Sandhya tackling obstacles from one more!
S
Hi S!
DeleteThank you for that nice update on DABH.
Welcome to the blog and do write more often. *hugs*
These are truly impressive ideas in regarding blogging.
ReplyDeleteYou have touched some pleasant things here. Any way keep up wrinting.
My homepage мурманск москва авиарейсы