Making Amends

20th May episode

Samrat - for him, it's more appropriate to say - growing up and making amends. Realising the truth of that sardarji's wisdom and the old saying - if you love someone, set them free. If she come back to you, she's yours. If she doesn't, she never was.
And today, he's going through the very painful process of setting her free, to soar in the sky. He made a mistake, and he's paying for it. What the payment is exactly, we don't know yet. Has his mother extracted her pound of flesh in return for the money? Or is it just the cutting of those ties to Chashmish, the ties that have been his lifeline for the last one and a half years? Hoping that she doesn't need those strings any more, because home for her, is him.
He's grown up. Learnt that there are consequences of actions, and you have to bear those consequences. And that making amends can hurt.

Neil: the most interesting cameo is MJHT for a long time. I spent most of this track wondering whether he was positive or negative, white or grey. And realised that he was neither. He was just human. and human beings are not white of black. Human beings make mistakes, and if they're responsible, mature people, they try to make amends for those mistakes.
Loving Gunjan wasn't a mistake. Following her, making a movie with her probably wasn't a mistake either, it was a dream, a goal, and a means of attaining that goal. Neil's mistake was his inability to step out of the way when he realised that Gunjan was committed to another, his inability to be completely unselfish about her love, and his attempt to play God in the Sajan relationship.
His first mistake was to tell Samrat about his love for Gunjan. Whether it was out of frustration, anger, the frustration that Samrat, whom he felt was not as worthy, as deserving of Gunjan's love as he was, whether it was frustration that he had spent years trying to reach Gunjan, make himself worthy of her, only to find that someone so different from Gunjan had already walked away with the prize, someone whom he couldn't help thinking might not be right for her.
His second mistake was then to not tell Samrat Gunjan's whereabouts. If he had been as altruistic as he claimed to be, if he really stepped out of the way of their love story, he should have not tried to change the course of events. They were blissfully happy together before he came, he tried to separate them because he felt they both needed the space - Samrat to grow up, and Gunjan because he saw her getting disturbed and upset at Samrat's behaviour. But that was what he felt - it was not necessarily the truth. Samrat Gunjan's relationship was based on communication - cut off their communication, and they have problems.
So Neil was not just a catalyst in the Samrat Gunjan story. He was a deeply involved reactant, he set off a chain of events which culminated in an explosion. But at the end of the day, he was human. In spite of trying his best, he made mistakes.
And now, he's making amends. Samrat told him not to tell Gunjan about the financing. That was Samrat's sacrifice. Neil told Gunjan. That was his.
Not much of a sacrifice, she was never his to sacrifice, in spite of whatever faint hopes he might have had. And Neil, being a realist, and an intelligent human being, knew that he had no hope with Gunjan. Especially when she walked out of the movie.

Gunjan - she's not perfect. Close to it, but not quite. She made her share of mistakes. She took up the movie because of others, her sister and mostly Samrat. And to find herself. She wavered at the start, but then once committed, she gave it her best. Because that's the way she is. Single minded when it comes to work. And for the first time, trying to find a balance between professional and personal life, to do justice to both, tough when she had a possessive, insecure boyfriend on one side and an equally possessive, committed boss on the other side, and a multi-crore budget and other people's livelihoods to justify (where exactly that money went is still a mystery to me).
Her mistake? Being too trusting, too naive. Maybe taking Samrat and their relationship for granted, thinking it to be her strength, not realising that even the strongest relationships need to be worked on when circumstances change. Her utter trust in Neil, her inability to see his feelings. Not entirely her fault, because he hid them well, he knew what would happen if he didn't. And her blaming Samrat for the whole fiasco - the journalist had a lot to do with it as well, which everyone seems to have forgotten, Neil included. (another mystery - a film being shelved because of one gossip article? Oh well, creative liberty).
And Gunjan's amends - she walked out of the movie. In other words, she chose Samrat. Once she realised where he was coming from, why he had done what he did, and how tangled relationships were becoming, had already become, she cut the knot and walked out. Because for her, at the end of the day, Samrat IS the most important. People's livelihoods were important, so she tried to manage what she thought were Samrat's immaturity and his possessiveness. But Neil's feelings altered the whole equation and she was not willing to put her relationship with Samrat to that risk. She knows Sam's insecurities - none better than her. And their roots.

Gunjan will go after Samrat now. Because she knows he's tried his best to make amends in the most painful way for him - by releasing her, by letting go of his possessiveness. And when she finds him, he will know that she truly has come home. Because he doesn't need to hold her close to him any more. She is and always will be, close to him, in his heart, and he in hers.

I can see two endings - I'm listing only the happy ones. One - Gunjan finds Samrat, tells him of her decision, and they both walk blissfully hand in hand into the sunset.
Two, Gunjan finds Samrat, tells him of her decison and her choice, and he asks her to go back and fulfill her commitment and he will wait for her.
The romantic in me wants the first, the realist and practical me would like the second, which would also complete the growing up process for both of them. But either way - like ALL Sajanians, I want, no, make that, I NEED a happy ending! Before the next set of problems start.

Links for the episode

Sam gives Neil finance for movie

Gunjan confronts Neil and leaves the movie

Benji Dia 17-20th May