SAJAN ... omigosh!!!!

4th March

HOW CAN THEY DO THIS????

Who ... just WHO writes Sajan???? I can't decide whether to hug them, bless them for bringing this couple into my life ... or kill them for driving me so crazy! I'm actually reeling as I write this ... twice before have Sajan had this effect, once was Samrat's heartbreak, second was Gunjan's ... and tonight was ... what exactly was it? I can't call it love ... love seems far too small for what is between them ... the sea of emotions that is exchanged with every little look, every gesture ...

I thought Gunjan was the determined one, the strong one ... ready to do anything, but ANYTHING for the ones she loved,
but today ... Samrat ... oh my god ... does love like this exist for real? So powerful, so all consuming - his love is like a storm which will carry everything in front of it, it will carry away all her protests, her fears, her doubts with it, it's like an ocean, the depth of which can't even be fathomed, and it's like a gale which will sweep her off her feet and into his arms and his life, however much she tries to fight it.

And she IS trying to fight ... all her old doubts, her insecurities back in full force, head and heart engaged in fierce battle, one she recognises even as she gives in to the first one - that of putting color on him, because he will not let anyone else do it otherwise ... she knows what he's doing as well as he knows what she's trying to do ... because they KNOW, they just know each other, they can read each others' minds and souls. If ever I wondered why Sajan have such few dialogues at times, the answer was clear today ... who needs words when they can read each others' eyes, each others' minds, each others' hearts ...

So she tries again ... this time more bluntly - or as blunt as she can be ... don't change yourself for me, go away, I'll manage ...
and Samrat's expressions ... yes, he knows what she's doing, but he won't let her succeed, so another effort at lightheartedness - I won't risk your NOT being dependent on me, because then I'll be left alone ... and his look - now argue with that one, Chashmish ...
and I fell totally in love with Samrat - not "you're alone, so I want to be with you," but "I'LL be left alone" ... as though to tell her, if you're not there, no one else can take your place ... and no one will ...

But she's still fighting ... You're making me feel I'm a burden, go away ...
And he protests immediately ... tum bojh nahin ho, especially not for me ...
And she stops him in his tracks ... then prove it ... go away.
And oh god ... their look ... who needs words when their looks say everything, his says, I know what you're doing, but you can't do this to us, hers says, I have to do this not just for you ... but for me ...
And because he knows it's for her as well ... so he goes ... leaving her heart to curse her mind for making him leave when she wanted him to stay, then she recovers her determination ... and it's that determination that makes her try so hard ... and take her first slow, painful step on the road to recovery ... the first step, and the first fall ...

And his promise ... we'll make you walk again. We. Both of us. Together.

Next bit has left me totally incoherent so don't blame me if I don't make sense.

Angry Samrat ... needling gunjan, riling her, getting at her ... you CAN do it, but you won't even try ... all you want is sympathy ... and I'm not going to give you that.
And Gunjan - angry, riled up as he wanted her to be - Is that what you think? So of course she's ready to try anything ...
Even when she realises that was his plan all along ...
And that's the beauty of Sajan - she knows instantly that his anger, his scolding, his taunts - they were all just a show - to push her to reach exactly where she just did, to pull her out of her well of depression and self-doubt and so NO anger, no hurt feelings, just a determined 'okay, if this is what you wanted, let's try it'.

And they start ... and try ... and try again ... and again ... with him firmly behind her, beside her all the way, pushing her, encouraging her, supporting her ... till she falls and he picks her up so gently ... places her back on her bed as though she's made of glass ... And this time, her arms both go around his neck, the first time since the paralysis, the third time he's lifted her, but the first time that she let down the distence that has come up between them. Just momentarily, but her defences fall, her barriers are lowered, because she knows what he made her do - she's just not sure she can do it.
But he is - he's as sure as ever - and so tells her ... not never, Chashmish, just not today ... but tomorrow we try again ... because he knows, under that fragile exterior is steel, that inner core of strength which has been his support for so long, and now has to be her own ... he just has to reach that core and the battle is half won.

And the precap ... Samrat's determination - try what you like, I'm not going anywhere ... because I love you.
Samrat ... you totally deserve Gunjan - and I can't give you higher praise than that!!!

Edit: last scene - description - bedroom scene, two people, madly, deeply in love, sitting together on her bed ... so lots of romance, soft, sweet talks, love scenes, hugs, kisses - right? WRONG
Oh, so maybe it's a fight scene - they're fighting, so shouting, angry words, raised voices, sparks flying, tempers high, glaring at each other, both too angry to listen to each other's point of view - right? WRONG again.
So what was it? A show of anger where the love shone through more clear and bright than any romantic scene could show, an argument (can I even call it that?) where he pushed and pushed till she had to push back, and then he stopped immediately because that was exactly what he wanted, and expected ... because he knew her, her spirit, her stubbornness ...
a love scene where not a single word of love was spoken, yet love was there, palpably there in the atmosphere, the air was laden with it, all-pervasive, all encompassing ...
and a closeness which was far closer than the mere physical act of his holding her as she tried to walk again, it was a closeness of spirit, of minds and hearts as she leaned on him completely, trusting him to hold her and not let her fall, and to pick her up if she did ... and to give her the courage to go on ...
Because she can hide her fear and her weakness from everyone else, she can smile for everyone else, for her family, her sister, to give them courage and confidence ... but she can't hide them from him, and she needs him more than ever before, even as she tries to push him away.
She's thinking of his happiness, but he's only thinking about them, because for him, he and she don't exist any more - it's them.