Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Finally Gunjan's amnesia ends!

28th June

MaRia ... ROFL ... MaRia track is becoming as ROFL as the MN track was ... is it because the actors just cannot carry such stuff ahead?! Ria is pretty bad all right, even Mayank's saduness is becoming just ROFLable!

Gunjan-Rohan - I thought this track had potential, and it does :) Again, acting makes a difference, even with a sore throat, Gunjan is so watchable! And Rohan is definitely improving ... cute scene, with Gunjan giving tips on how to patao girls to Rohan ... she obviously observed Samrat very closely! And she has a soft corner for Samrat type guys even now :) Fb's of Samrat as she advises Rohan ...

And then Gunjan sees the rain ... and remembers Samrat ... not because of Rohan, but because of Samrat, and their love ... finally!!! New 'fb' ... a piece of Gunjan's dupatta left with Samrat ... a piece he has held on to ... as has she ...
Was this the day after their night together? Because his voice, his words are very intimate, more so than ever before ... and there was no hesitation whatsoever in the kiss ... or almost-kiss ...

Sam-Ash ... she wants to be friendly, he blows her off ... one-sided crush here, no more than that for sure.

Ash wants to dress like Gunjan ... her earrings, her clothes ... chooses the same suit. But Gunjan doesn't want her to use the same dupatta ... even though it's not perfect any more. But it's still something that can't be shared. The only one who can share it already has a piece ...

links

part 1
part 2
part 3
part 4
part 5

naveen's links
Gunji thinks of Samrat while giving tips to Rohan
SG rain flashback scene

Friday, June 25, 2010

Get on with it now!

25th june episode

Okay, I officially hate Mayank. Sadu, akdu, egoistic, unforgiving, he's everything and more. It was an accident, for heaven's sake, the guy has been and is still going through hell, and you can't find it in your heart to feel even a liitle bad for him? I have no sympathy for Mayank any more.

And Samrat also finally seems to feel the same way - how long should he continue grovelling? Both Mayank and Nupur egged him on to drive fast, Mayank seems to have forgotten that completely. So Samrat finally loses his cool too, and takes his frustration out on his first love - basketball.

The ball goes and bounces on Ash ... and Samrat sees Gunjan again ... and is lost. However angry he is with Mayank, he can never be angry with Chashmish, neither can he forget her - ever.

Mayank reaches home, Gunjan forcibly chirpy, cake, balloons ...

Sam Ash ... Sam fb's of Gunjan again, says only she can understand me, Ash listening ... as she walks away, Sam ends, only my Chashmish ... Ash dreams, i will make you forget your past, I will become the girl you want ...

Mayank Gunjan ... he brought Mayapari as gift, she reads out letters Nups had written when she was in Delhi ... umpteen fb's ... MN fb's are very boring, the scene was very boring ... ended with Gunjan finally breaking down ... aarrgghhh, I wanted her to break down with Samrat, not with mayank ...
but saving grace, mayank says, I won't let you feel your sister's absence ... hopefully he means that in a totally brotherly way, because the scene seemed fairly bro-sis type, comforting, and not lover-like, both missing Nupur. Get on with it, guys, she's dead and gone. Hopefully, now they will start getting back to life ... or at least, hopefully, Gunjan will start ... am not bothered about Mayank. And teh constant mourning for Nups is getting on my nerves - she's been gone for three years, get over it!!! Stretching things like old chewing gum now! And it's time for Gunjan destruction big time - where is the girl whose life revolved around Samrat, who got upset and desperate when she didn't see him for more than a few hours, who loved and trusted him unconditionally?! It was an accident, for heaven's sake ... and all four can share the guilt and the blame, even Gunji, for long farewells as M said, which made them late in the first place.
Nope, stretching just FAR too much now ... am losing what little interest I had left. Good - time to de-addict.

24th June episode

Sam Ash - Ash asks him, she's so different from Gunjan, why did he come to her. Sam says, he doesn't know.
He sees Gunjan, saying, get hold of yourself, Samrat.
He returns to reality - Ash. He leaves.

Mayank tells Gunjan about Ria. Gunjan asks him to looks after Ash.

Gunjan goes to meet Ash (Sanaya's voice is totally gone here :(, poor girl). Gunjan asks, did someone come, Ash says, yes, that guy who came the other day. Ash has left her hair loose, asks Gunjan how she looks. Gunjan says yes, but I worry about you. Ash says, I'll never do anything which might upset you. Doorbell - Rohan.

Gunji very suspicious ;) is this the same guy?
Gunji blasts Rohan. ash smirking, Rohan meek - decides the way to patao Ash is through Gunji.

Next day, Nups birthday, M, G and S all lost in fb's. Gunjan says, I'm trying to be like you for others, but I'm so lonely without you.
Sam says, the only one who might forgive me is you, Nupur. I'm sorry.

Mayank in college, remembering Nups. Get over with it, man! Fb's with Ria ... goes to Sam, says he can't teach because today is Nup's
Sam completes ... birthday. M sees his tears. Fb's of all four of them. He turns, Sam puts hand on his shoulder. M takes it off.

Precap is interesting ... G all bubbly, chirpy, M in tears.

Links - naveen
Gunji mistakes Rohan for Ash's mystery friend

23rd June episode

Gunjan goes to Excel. Lost in memories ... Samrat, Nupur, Samrat, Nupur ... Samrat sees her, says her name ... she feels it - leaves.

Samrat chases after her, almost getting run over, saved by Mayank, distraught, begs Mayank to be allowed to meet her, Mayank is starting to get torn between Sam and Gunji.
Ro flirts with Ash again, Ro Shukla scene, wheedles Ash's address out of Shukla.

Sam drinking, FB's of Gunjan, interspersed with Ash ... WHY??? Cos he sensed Gunjan in Ash's house? So decides to go there.

Gunjan goes to Mayank's house, Nups' bday the next day. Sanaya's voice is worse. Poor girl.

Sam Ash. He describes Gunjan to Ash ... bholi, aankhon se baatein karti thi, khule baal ...

Gunjan asks Mayank to look after Ash.

links - Naveen

Sam sees Gunjan outside Excel

Sam describes Gunji to Ash

22nd June episode

'Staff' meeting - Excel college staff has decreased in number!!! Samrat says, a lifetime can pass in 3 years.
Riya apologises to Mayank, he says she has to show she deserves forgiveness. Aimed at Samrat.

Ash enters college - Rohan flirts with her.
Sam welcomes Ash to college.

Classroom - Nirbhay, RoAsh, Shukla talks about parents, Ash upset - leaves.
Sam Ash - he tries to console her about parents, she remembers Gunji saying the same thing (Sanaya's voice hoarse) - she tells him its very difficult to get out of one's past, asks him if he has been able to, why he was so disturbed and drunk.
Gunjan calls Ash, Ash tells her people are very nice here. Ash tells Sam she'll get him to meet her di - he needs someone like her. Samrat says, he doesn't need anyone, and no one needs him.
Gunjan decides to go to Excel.

21st June episode

Rohan hears from students that Mayank flirted with Ria. Charges to office to fight Mayank.

Sam explains that it was Ria's fault, and he should ask her the full story.

Mayank in Cafe with Gunjan, asks her why she 'forgot' to tell her she met Samrat. Tells her she still loves him.

Ash calls Samrat, he's busy, then asks her to meet him in Cafe.

Gunjan says it wasnt important, that's why she didn't mention Samrat. What he does is no concern of hers. But ... who told you?
Mayank says - Samrat told me. And I don't believe what you're saying, because you yourself say we can't forget those we love. So how will you be able to forget Samrat?

Samrat enters, orders cold coffee.

Gunjan stares into space for a bit, then changes subject to Mayank's problem with Ria. Goes to get coffee - gets Samrat's order in a badly edited scene, so she gets Samrat's coffeee, and Mayank returns the other - he's stopped drinking coffee.

Samrat tells Ash to rejoin college. he leaves, passing Gunjan waiting for taxi.

Gunjan Ash - Ash tells her she's decided to join college. Excel.

Sam Ria - He tells her to apologise to Mayank.

Sam's scene today - with all newbies. Showing change, maturity in his character.
18th June episode

Sayank - Samrat, hangover mode, begs Mayank to let him meet Gunjan, Mayank says she doesnt want to meet you. Tells him you can't change the past, try to salvage what is left by getting hold of yourself.

Rohan-Ria-Mayank. Mayank decides to let Ria stay in Excel - to reform her? Mayank insults Ria in class, she accuses him of flirting with her.

Ash calls Sam, furious he left without telling her. Sam disarms her by apologising.
Mayank Sam Shukla Ria

Nirbhay Ria

Gunjan Ash - Gunjan tries to get Ash to join college. Mayank asks Gunjan to meet him for coffee.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Sajan back again

Mrs. Shergil saw Shukla sir and Mayank in the corridor as she was rushing out. She approached them in a hurry.

“Mr. Shukla,” she said crisply, completely ignoring Mayank. “You’ll have to take charge here. I’m rushing to City Hospital. Samrat has been in an accident.”

Mayank went pale. Shukla Sir was talking, exclaiming, asking questions, Samrat’s mother brushed them aside.

“I don’t know the details, Mr. Shukla, but he seems to be very critical. I just got a call from the hospital. I’m going there right away. When I hear more, I’ll let you know.”

She turned to leave, then turned back.

“If you feel that anyone else needs to be informed,” she said, looking at Mayank directly, “Please let them know. Oh, and tell the students also. Some of them are very fond of Samrat, as you know.”

She left, her heels clicking rapidly on the floor.

“I’ll make an announcement,” said Shukla sir worriedly. “Many students love Samrat. They will be most upset. We need to tell them.”

“Tell them what?!” asked a new voice, and Mayank and Shukla sir turned in surprise. Rohan, Nirbhay and Riya had come up. It was Rohan who had asked the question.

“Samrat Shergil has been in an accident,” said Shukla sir. “Rohan, you know the PA system. Please announce it in the college.”

Rohan had gone as pale as Mayank. He actually fell a step back.

“Sir, is he … is he ok?”

Shukla sir put a hand on his shoulder.

“I don’t know yet, Rohan. Will you make the announcement? I want to go to the hospital with Mrs. Shergil. She will be alone there. There’s no one else for Samrat other than her. If anything … happens … she will be alone.”

Mayank went paler. Rohan nodded.

“I’ll make the announcement right away, sir.”

“Don’t bother,” said Mayank harshly. “I’ll make the announcement. Knowing you, you’ll make a joke out of this also. You can’t even take death seriously, can you?”
“Sir,” said Rohan steadily, “I know you think the worst of me. But Samrat Sir doesn’t. He gives me a chance, the opportunity to improve myself. He always has. To all the students who go wrong. And that’s why we all love him. He doesn’t just lecture us. He understands us. Because he’s made mistakes himself. And that’s why we listen to him, because we know when he tells us something, he’s speaking from experience.”

He turned away and everyone could see he was choked up. Mayank went quiet.
“I’ll make the announcement,” Rohan said and left. Riya followed him, so did Nirbhay and the few students nearby.

“I’m going to the hospital,” said Shukla Sir. “Are you coming too, Mayank?”

“You go ahead, sir,” said Mayank with difficulty. “I’ll join you there very soon.”

He waited for Shukla sir to be out of earshot and then pulled out his phone, and punched in a number. When he heard the voice at the other end, he spoke quickly.

“Gunjan,, listen to me, and don’t interrupt. Samrat has been in an accident. He’s in City Hospital. It seems to be serious. I’m going there right now. I thought you should know.”

He paused but there was no answer from the other end.

“Gunjan,” he continued more softly, “what you do is up to you. Life sometimes gives us second chances. But maybe not third or fourth ones. I’ll call you when I know more.”

On the other side of the line, she stood like stone, the phone clasped to her ear even after the line was disconnected. She was frozen, she couldn’t move. There was a huge lump in her chest, like lead, squeezing her, constricting her breathing, so that each breath seemed like torture, like punishment.

Samrat has been in an accident. He’s serious.

Ash came running out of the bedroom.

“Di, he’s not answering his phone. I’ve called so many times! I told you he was very depressed! What if something has happened to him?! Di, I’m getting very worried! What should I do?!”

“Who … who …” Gunjan managed through lips that barely moved.
Ash looked at her impatiently.

“Samrat, di! The guy I was talking about! Who was here last night! Di, he needs help, I’m telling you! Why isn’t he answering his phone?! He was so drunk last night! What if he drove in that state?!”

Gunjan stared at her.

“Samrat?! The guy you met … he’s Samrat?! The one who …”

The one who flirted with death every day, Ashwini had told her. The one who had just lost someone close to him. The one whose pain was even greater than Ashwini’s.
The one she had inflicted that pain on.

“I have to go,” she said abruptly, ignoring Ashwini’s wails. “I’ll talk to you later.”

She almost ran out of the house, leaving a frantic Ashwini staring at first her then at the phone in her hand.

City Hospital. Stainless steel and glass, cool interiors, white clad nurses and orderlies rushing around, while serious-faced doctors strode briskly through the corridor. Gunjan rushed to the reception.

“Samrat Shergil …” she manged to say. “Is he …?”

The receptionist looked at her record book briefly and then back at Gunjan kindly, sympathy in her face and voice.

“I’m very sorry, madam. You’re too late.”

She clutched the countertop with fingers gone ice-cold, her mind going numb.
“No,” she said, in a whisper. “No, it can’t be. You … where is he?! He has to be here. He can’t be … I would know if … I would know …”

She tailed off in a whisper as the receptionist looked at her in alarm, as though she was going to faint … which she was. The girl came around the counter quickly and supported Gunjan. Gunjan looked at her desperately.

“I would know …” she repeated helplessly, and felt the ice around her heart crack. And crack again. And the pain start. A pain sharper than anything she had ever felt before in her life.

The receptionist held onto her and looked around her frantically for help as Gunjan sagged. Two orderlies rushed to her help and supported Gunjan to a chair, a nurse brought her water. She sipped it, then turned to the receptionist again.

“You’ve made a mistake,” she whispered, “Please … please check again. Samrat Shergil … accident …”

“Not accident, madam,” replied the girl. “He seems to have crashed his car deliberately. The police are here. It was probably suicide.”

The Samrat I loved and the Gunjan who loved him, both are dead. And everything is finished. Nothing can come back.


She didn’t know what happened next. It was as though she went into a daze, seeing the hospital around her, the people, the furniture, hearing the noise … without seeing or hearing a thing. As though she was in a glass case, there and yet isolated … imprisoned in an invisible transparent cage whose walls were made of pain, sheer pain … a pain so sharp and bright, that it hurt to catch each breath, every heartbeat seemed to be a hammer pounding inside her, every movement seems as though she moved through shards of broken glass, piercing her, stabbing her, shredding her to pieces … she didn’t know when she slipped from the chair to the floor, when the pain burst from her in a keening wail, which made everyone around turn to look at her in surprise … and then shock …

And then someone was supporting her, a cool hand swept across her forehead, a gentle hand brought the glass of water to her lips again and a voice whispered, “Gunjan … beta, sambhalo apne aap ko. Tumhe apne aap ko sambhalna hoga.”

Samrat’s mother. Gunjan turned to her and Samrat’s mother looked back at her steadily, warmth mixed with sorrow in her eyes.

“I did this,” Gunjan whispered. “I drove him to this. How could I … I loved him so much and I …”

“Shhh, beta,” whispered Samrat’s mother and held her hands. “You didn’t do anything. this is not in our hands, beta. Life, death … it’s destiny, our fate. We are only the puppets, the strings are held by Him. Don’t blame yourself, beta. We are no one to decide. When it’s our time to go … we go. And nothing can stop this, nothing can change this.”

Gunjan stared at Samrat’s mother. And it was as though her words broke the final barrier, dissolved the last chunks of ice encasing her heart, that organ that had been frozen for the last three years, and she was free … free to feel again, to hurt again, to sob, to allow the tears that she had locked inside her, to let her grief flow … Samrat’s mother held out her arms, and Gunjan went into them like a child, weeping uncontrollably.

There was an uncomfortable cough above their heads. Samrat’s mother looked up. A white-coated doctor was standing there.

“Excuse me,” he said gently. “I have some news for you. We were ready to turn off the life support system … as I told you, Ma’am,” he nodded courteously to Mrs. Shergil, “But there was some movement, so we kept it on. And there seems to be some hope still. There is some slight respiratory effort …” he went on in technical terms as Mrs. Shergil and Gunjan stared at him with hope dawning in their eyes.

“You mean, he’s not … he’s still alive?” interrupted Samrat’s mother and the doctor nodded.

“Yes, ma’am. And there is some improvement in his condition. Very marginal,” he added quickly, “I don’t want to give you any false hope yet. He’s still very critical. But we’re keeping the life support on now and trying to resuscitate him. You can come and take a look if you like.”

Both the women got to their feet and followed the doctor as quickly as they could. He led them to the door of the ICU, instructed them to change into sterile gowns and led them in. And Gunjan faced Samrat for the first time in three years.
His face, his arms, his chest … everything was covered with wires and tubes. And with bandages. His eyes were closed, one purple, swollen. Gunjan held his mother’s hand tightly as she stared at him and memories of another night, three years ago, another hospital came flooding back. She had lost one dearly loved person that night, the sister who was everything to her, sister, best friend, mother … and today, she was close to losing another … her love, her best friend, her soulmate, the first boy she had ever loved, and the last …

How could she have been so stupid? So unforgiving, so filled with hate? Her sister wouldn’t have, she knew … she had tarnished Nupur’s memory by her own guilt and anger, by turning her grief into hate and blame, by punishing Samrat for her sister’s death when they all had been responsible. Even her, for taking long in her farewells, so that they had to rush to the airport in the first place because they had gotten late. She wasn’t blameless either … but as Mrs. Shergil had said … it was fate. It was destiny that Nupur had to go that day …

But it wasn’t destiny that Samrat had to go today, she vowed fiercely, and bent to him gently.

“I broke my promise,” she whispered, and held his hand between both of hers. “I promised I would never leave you … and I did. I’m sorry, Samrat. But you always forgave me every time … won’t you forgive me this time too? Please, Samrat. Please forgive me one last time … and I promise I will never leave you again. Please, Samrat … just one last time …”

His hand twitched in hers, his chest heaved. The doctor stepped in urgently.
“Please, leave now,” he told them. “Sister … stethoscope?”

They both went out, Gunjan clutching Mrs. Shergil’s hand as though it was a lifeline. They stood watching through the little window of the ICU cubicle as doctors and nurses moved in a flurry of activity inside. And almost an hour later, the doctor came out, a look of cautious optimism on his face.

“Better,” he pronounced. “He’s breathing on his own. There is hope.”

Gunjan and Mrs. Shergil embraced, their tears flowing unreservedly.

The night they met - Gunjan's feelings

She walked away from Samrat, head held high. She didn’t love him anymore. She didn’t. He had killed her sister. How could she love him?

And if she told herself that often enough, she might even convince herself one day.

She went into her bedroom and walked slowly to the mirror and stared at herself. She had changed, she knew. The simple, plain girl from three years ago, the shy, underconfident girl, who had always thought herself not good enough for the hottest guy of the college, yet had found herself the object of his love and adoration, the quiet girl who had adored him back, who had lived for him, who used to get frantic if she didn’t see him for more than a few hours … where had that girl gone? And where was the girl who had promised to spend her life with him, never leave him, ever? She knew so well what Samrat had gone through in his life, his loneliness, his fear of abandonment, his feeling that everyone whom he loved, he lost … and she had promised him that she would never do that to him.

And yet, she had. She had left him without a word, had walked away without even seeing if he was all right, if he had recovered from that accident which had claimed her sister. So lost had she been in holding herself together, in comforting Mayank, that she had not spared a thought for him, her love, her life, her fiancé. And when she did think of him, all she could remember were her last words to him – Samrat, slow down please!

And he hadn’t.

And her sister had died.

She hated him. Hated herself for living, hated him for not listening to her, not changing the wheels of fate, allowing her sister to die when she could have lived.
And yet, today when she had looked into his eyes, and seen his love, all she could think of was going into his arms and sobbing her heart out.

Why did he still love her, she thought fiercely. Why couldn’t he hate her too? She had walked out on him, broken all her promises, left him alone and bereft – why didn’t he hate her? Curse her, shout at her? Then she could shout back, let her feelings out, let herself go as she had not been able to for three years.

Three years. Three years of holding back, of holding herself in, of silent tears, shed in the quiet of the night so that Mayank, or her father would not hear her, would not rush to comfort her. Because she didn’t want their comfort. They didn’t understand her pain. Only one person understood her pain, had ever understood her so well, better than she even understood herself. It was only his arms she wanted, she craved. And they were the only refuge she denied herself.

She slipped into bed, held the pillow tightly and allowed the memories to flow. She had held them in check for three years, clamped back whenever they threaten to spill, but today she was defeated. The look in his eyes had defeated her and she let the memories spill out with her tears. Their first meeting, the pool where he had saved her, Bhavesh, the teasing. The Talent Parade, her first song on stage, while he smiled at her and played the guitar for her. The bet. Her anger, the breaking of their fragile friendship.

And then their first Valentine’s night. When they had come together again as friends, but in a bond far stronger than any friendship, though neither had known it at the time. A bond forged that night, which was never to be broken again, through all the ups and downs that followed. And when she had fled to Morena and he had followed her, that bond was given a new name – love.

They thought their love was forever. Even when Suhani came, their love stood strong. Samrat held it together, not giving up when she would have done during her paralysis, not giving up ever whenever she went away from him. Only when Neil came, did he falter, because he thought he had hurt her, which he never wanted to do. And it had been her turn to win him back, a task which had been so easy, because wherever they went, they never went too far from each other. They couldn’t. And this last time, when they had come together, it had been for a lifetime. An engagement. The prelude to the rest of their lives together. Even though Nupur was going away for three years, she still had Samrat. And he was the world for her.

So what happened? The accident.

Why? She whispered, the tears spilling in a never-ending stream. Why did it happen this way? We were so happy, then why? Were the gods angry with us? Did we tempt fate by showing our joy? Everything was going to be all right, everything was wonderful.

And why can’t I forget? Why can’t I leave those memories behind? Why do I see him everywhere, his smile, his teasing, the way he held my hand, the way he pulled me to him, the way he held me in his arms … the way he loved me. Made me feel as though I was the most special girl in the world, made me feel beautiful, confident, happy. Made me feel secure in his love and in his arms, so I never needed any place else to be.

She turned on her side, remembering. Zindagi do pal ki …

He had proposed on the road, in front of strangers and had hugged her in public when she said yes. And then … that magical night … spent in each others’ arms, a night when they had forgotten the world outside. They were their world, their only world. Each other … that was all they needed. And she had given herself to him freely, joyfully, knowing she was his and he was hers.

She sobbed softly, remembering that night. Samrat, she whispered. How can I live without you? How can I carry on? I need you, I need your love … to heal me, to make me forget.

But when she looked in his eyes, he hadn’t forgotten either. He was hurting as much as she was. And if they got together now, their combined grief would drive them under. One of them had to be strong – they usually took it in turns, but this time … this time, they were both in need of strength, and neither had that strength to call on.

Samrat, she whispered. Samrat. I want to forget you. But I can’t. Show me how to. Show me how to hate you.

She couldn’t do either. During the day, she could hide her tears, her pain, her loneliness, but at night, the longing surfaced. The longing for that embrace that held her together, those arms that were her refuge and her home, the love which was her life, the passion which brought her to life. And the man who was her everything.

The next morning, she was back to normal. Smiling, laughing with the children. She almost lost it when Mayank came and asked her if she had slept well – he noticed her swollen eyes. But she hid them from him by turning away and by her determined cheerfulness. He didn’t understand her well enough to see through her lie. And then he mentioned Excel.

Excel. Samrat.

For three years she had kept the memories at bay, but they were coming back. Forcing themselves back. As though fate was telling her that enough was enough, she had to stop running. Stop hiding. She would have to face him sooner or later, and it seemed that fate had decided sooner. And that ‘sooner’ was now.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Dragging started?

17th June

Gunjan Ash scene - Ash getting progressively more agitated, ditto Gunjan, Gunjan realises unknown guy is still there, wants to throw him out herself, Ash doesn't want her to. Whole AG scene basically the same.
In the middle, Sam wakes up with severe hangover, realises he's still at Ash's house and leaves. Sees Gunjan, thinks he's imagining her. Gunjan catched a glimpse of him leaving, gets even more annoyed that he left without saying anything.

Interspersed with college - Shukla asks Mayank where Sam is, saying he's your friend, you should know, Ria is waiting for Samrat, tries to flirt with Mayank, then M bumps into Samrat's mother, who's also wondering where he is. She tells M that in the last three years, Samrat hasn't missed a single day of college, because it's the only place he can forget his pain somewhat. Mayank's face changes (slightly, his expressions are still pretty blank), he says almost rudely, I don't know where he is, I come here to work, not get involved in people's personal problems.

Once outside, he can't help himself, he tries to find out where Samrat is, calls Kangaroo bar and learns Sam went off with Ash, gets her address, and lands up there. Just as Samrat comes out, M first castigates him, S asks, why are you worried about me, we're not friends, we're just colleagues, M says, college suffers if you're not there. Sam says, last night I met Chashmish, and again she's gone very far away from me.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Holding it in

16 June episode

First scene - (recycled) Sam drinking, Ash takes him home. Did Mohit not shoot for today?

Gunjan telling kids a story, Mayank comes, asks her why her eyes are swollen, did she have a bad night? She evades. Still holding it in. He tells her he has joined Excel. SG flashbacks. Excel is synonymous with Samrat, and she's avoiding Samrat. First she says she thinks about Excel too, but then it holds too many memories, she never wants to go back.

Mayank in college with newbies, trying to sort out their mess. They don't like him.

Gunjan goes to Ash's house, is shocked to see bottles. Asks Ash if she has started drinking again. Ash says no, then tells her "he" came home to her house. Gunjan is worried, but Ash is stubborn, 'he' has lost someone very close to him, Ash wants to support him, help him. Sound of breaking bottles from inside, Gunjan says, I will leave but after that boy leaves. Starts towards the door determinedly.

The Hell within

The Psychology of death - six stages of grief

Shock - a feeling of numbness, disbelief, unreality ... as though looking at the death through an invisible glass pane, insulated from the feelings surrounding it.

Denial - not accepting that the death has taken place, hoping it is just a bad dream and when you wake up, everything will be 'normal'. Until this phase is passed, and the fact of death is accepted, healing cannot start.

Anger - Why did this happen? It's not fair. Associated feelings - guilt, blame, both self-blame - if I hadn't done this, he/she would still be alive. Or blaming someone else - family, doctors, God ... Anger also against the world in general - how can the world go about their business when this has happened, how dare anyone else be happy when my world has come crumbling down ...

Mourning - the longest phase, can last for years, associated with periods of depression, crying for no apparent reason, continued feeling of guilt, loneliness.

Recovery - the final phase. Some people say this never completely happens. One never completely recovers from a death of a loved one. It brings a lasting change, and the pain never completely goes away. One never forgets a loved one. But at some point we re-establish our lives and move ahead, and the pain can be subdued and hidden. It will still surface at odd moments, but it stops taking over our lives and allows us to carry on living, even allows us to find happiness again.

MJHT

Mayank - of the three affected, he is closest to recovery. Maybe because he lost only one person, his wife. Maybe because he has the happiest memories of their time together. Maybe because his feelings are not tinged with guilt, or not as much as the other two's are. He will always mourn, but he is prepared to forgive and move on. Especially as he sees the true penitence of Samrat and the hell he is living in.

Gunjan - stuck in a place between denial and anger. She doesn't want to believe that her sister is no longer there. And she is angry ... she feels Nups' death was avoidable, had Samrat listened to her. Her anger and her grief find an outlet in blame ... it is easier to blame Samrat for what happened, to think that her sister could have survived IF ... she knows that Nupur is gone, but she needs someone to blame still. She is most in need of her own counselling, because she hasn't allowed herself to accept the inevitability of Nupur's death. Or allowed herself to grieve fully. Until she forgives Samrat, she will never heal. And because she is angry, she is punishing him in the way she know will hurt him the most - by staying away from him. He killed her sister, she is killing him - slowly.

The only way I see her healing is either by letting go of her emotions completely, by breaking down which she hasn't let herself do so far and by accepting that it was Nups time to go ... Samrat was just the medium. The Hindu philosophy of death really does help at times like this.
Or ... more dramatic ... if Samrat dies, or attempts to kill himself, and she is stricken by the same guilt that he has been living with - that she caused his death as surely as she feels he caused Nupur's. If she goes through what he went through when she was hit by the bullet and knows what it would be like to lose him forever. And suffer the guilt pangs of that on her conscience forever.
At the moment, she knows he loves her, she knows also that her feelings for him are a mixture, a confused morass of love and hate. And intertwined - her own guilt, her fiance caused her sister's death. How can she love a guy who killed her sister?

But what if it had been the other way around? What if Samrat had died in that accident? Who would she have blamed? Her sister and Mayank - for making him take that drive to the airport? For urging him to drive fast? Blame and guilt won't bring Nupur back ... they will only make the lives of the rest a living death. And until Gunjan realises this, she and Samrat can never get back together.

Samrat - his feelings have been shown - nothing more to add. He is in mourning, in a self-created hell of guilt and self-blame, a hell which just deepened with the realisation of Gunjan's hate. At one stroke he lost his love, his best friend, and a girl who was both friend and family. Triple loss, no support. He can't heal till both Mayank and Gunjan forgive him - Mayank has started, but when will Gunjan?

Tough track. No easy solutions. I can see absolution for Mayank ... and the way to it for Samrat. But Gunjan?

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Is it darkest before dawn?

15th June episode

One of the most painful episodes in the Sajan journey.

Starts with a long Majan scene where mayank tries to bring Gunjan face to face with her feelings. She says she didn't want to meet Samrat ever again. He says - what about in your thoughts, your dreams ... you haven't stopped thinking about him, and I know, because I haven't stopped thinking about Nupur. She stops him fiercely - don't mention Di and Samrat in the same sentence. He says, somewhere I was at fault too, because I told him to speed too. But she didn't and that's what she can't forgive, because somewhere deep in her heart is the feeling that if Samrat had listened to her, or maybe if she had insisted more, her Di might still be alive. It was a death that could have been avoided - or so she feels. So she hasn't still come to terms with her loss, hasn't still accepted it. She appears to have moved on, appears to have made herself stronger but she hasn't actually. It's as though she's exchanged places with the old Samrat - earlier, she was weak and timid from the outside and strong within, but now, she's strong on the outside, but crumbling within herself, the pain eating away at her, the regret that what if ...

Maynak is on the way to forgiving Samrat ... that's what Nupur would have done, he feels, so he is ready to move on. And yesterday, he saw Samrat's pain and guilt ... the Sayank bonding revived somewhat, and that had to happen. The first step had to be for Mayank to forgive Samrat ... because till now, Gunjan had a partner in both her grief and her hate, each feeding off the other's pain. Now after joining Excel, punishing Samrat with harsh words at every step and seeing him not react, silently accept all that Mayank says, seeing his penitence, the hell that he's been living in - that started Mayank's forgiveness, and the getting drunk together, going back to college days and their friendship, probably accelerated it.

The pani puri stall - scene of Sajan's togetherness. Samrat's flashbacks to that time, when they thought their love was strong enough to withstand time itself. And where they have reached now - he remembers in an agony of guilt and pain ... and then he sees her.
Chashmish.
She doesn't turn. All through their conversation, she never turns to look at him even once. He accepts her punishment without complaint, accepts that he doesn't have the right to call her Chashmish any more ... all he was living for for to see her, to try and lessen her sorrow, her pain, take it on himself, but he can't. And finally she says ... that Samrat I loved died with Di, the Gunjan who loved him died too. There's nothing left. And she walks away. He says, look at me just once ... if you ever loved me. But she doesn't.

Maybe she doesn't dare to. She's been keeping that hatred burning and alive in her heart to keep the pain at bay. She's made herself strong, gone on with life, again to hide her pain, to mask it. Because that's the kind of person she is, she always was. She only showed her pain to Samrat or her sister, if ever - or she hid it. And she's doing it again. The day she's unable to hide her pain, the day her tears come bursting out, the day she can shout and scream and hit out at someone, give vent to her feelings ... that's when she'll be able to start healing. She hasn't been able to until now. She took over the strong role immediately - consoling Mayank when he broke down ... but she never had anyone in whose arms she could break down. And till she does, she can't go on.

And Samrat does know that. He's living only for that, for the day he can hold her, let her vent out her feelings, give way completely. Because the only person she can let down that guard with is him. He has always shown her all his weakness, his emotions, and now she needs to do the same. To let go.

And only when she forgives him for her sister's death, will come his own redemption. Becayuse she is his conscience, his hardest taskmaster, and the voice of his soul. Until she absolves him of his guilt, his self-blame, he cannot absolve himself.

Link

Gun & Mayank - forgiveness for Samrat

Sajan first meeting

Mega episode - emotionally draining

14th June

The Sajan story is getting so intense and serious that I find it emotionally draining. Don't want to discuss or chat ... just want to watch and see where it's going.

The mega episode was surprisingly good - maybe because I wasn't expecting anything much at all. I was expecting it to be a full on DMG episode showcasing KaSh - they were there, in one highly forgettable basketball scene, the only really boring part of the episode - but otherwise the episode was good.

Started with Armaan and Sid waking up in Excel with no recollection of how they got there - KSG/KW are great actors with excellent chemistry and super comic timing, and their scenes throughout the episode were genuinely funny and a welcome break from the MJHT tension.

On the other side, Sam and Mayank wake up in the Sanjeevani morgue in another hilarious sequence, even more funny because this one wasn't slapstick humour, it was more situational comedy and the two carried it off well, maintaining their onscreen enmity, yet managing to be funny.

Both pairs find halves of a photograph with the other girl - AS with Gunjan, and SM with Shilpa. SM see a video of themselves from the night before, where Samrat catches a glimpse of Gunjan. He promptly decides to go back to the bar to look for her. Mayank wants to stop him. First hiccup - why is Mayank so anti Samrat Gunjan meeting?

Armaan Sid Shukla meeting - another laugh.

KaSh basketball scene - yawn.

Gunjan in hotel room - why does this happen with me? I never wanted to see you again, Samrat - and that too, like this?
Samrat in bar, he can sense that Gunjan was there.
Gunjan - why did I come here? And jiju? he was also ...? Talks to Nups pic - we were all so happy together, ever since you've gone, all happiness has also gone. I never want to see Samrat again.
Samrat - fb's of their night together, their engagement. Why didn't you at least talk to me, meet me even once ... even if only to go away again. Very touching, Sam's expressions are heartbreaking.

Sid cursing Armaan - cute humour again!

Mayank - wondering what happened the night before. Was Gunjan really there? What if Gunjan Samrat met? Then, no, if Gunjan had been in Mumbai, she would have contacted me.

Sid remembers Gunjan ;) Bumps into Mayank, M sees his side of the pic with Gunjan. Wants to stop Gunjan Samrat meeting - again, why?Drags Sid to K bar. Sid sees his ring on Shilpa's finger in the pic.

Armaan - Sid calls him to K bar.

K bar - Sam meets Sid Mayank. Sid shows Samrat the pic with Gunjan. Sam wants to find her. Mayank tells him that Gunjan doesn't want to meet him, but Sam is insistent. Armaan reaches.
Hotel manager arrives and tells them what happened the night before. SM and AS had landed up and both pairs got drunk on spiked drinks. AS comedy routine, SM maudlin fight, where they talk about their lost days. Both pairs start fighting, Shilpa arrives, switches off lights and they start tearing off each others' clothes. Gunjan sees Samrat and Mayank drunk.

Back to present - manager tells them both girls are here. Sam and Sid go to find respective girls, Sid to recover ring, Sam to Gunjan. Find wrong girls. Funny Sid Armaan Gunjan scene, small Sam Shilpa Mayank scene.

All four guys chase Shilpa, Sam to ask about Gunjan, Sid to get ring, AM to stop SS. Land up on stage, sing Dhanno ... again get drunk? Gunjan sees them again, leaves.

Majan scene - very touching. Sam arrives.
Sid Armaan Shilpa - cute!

Gunjan leaves with Mayank, Sam tries to follow her but is stopped but the guards. Vows that he will change destiny if need be, but he will get her back.

Good episode - humour balanced with very strong emotions on the SG-M side. So strong, especially at the end that it was on the whole emotionally draining. And threw up a lot of questions. What happened immediately after the accident that made Mayank hate Samrat so much, Gunjan so hurt that she never wanted to see Samrat again? Why is Mayank against SG meeting? Only because of Gunjan's hurt and his own hate or is there something more? What are they hiding from Samrat? And is Samrat's mother involved?

The good thing in the episode - Samrat is back, the Samrat who loves Gunjan more than life itself, and will do anything to get her back.
Just HOPE there is no child involved ... that will make this an Ekta show and I just don't want that. So far, the cv's are definitely more than a couple of steps ahead of all our thinking. But is this going along the lines of WUAS?

Links

Sayank Sanjeevani

Sajan

Sayank KW/KSG/Gunjan

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Gunjan and Samrat - the life of S2

11 June episode

SaJan are definitely the life of Season2. Till the newbies pick up, SG are not going anywhere and I love the way they're showing the change in their characters after three years. Ashwini is the other good thing about the show at the moment - she's growing into her character as well.

Episode starts with Gunji-Ash ... Ash was Gunji's patient, and is still not completely recovered. She tells Gunji about Samrat, without mentioning names, Gunji tells her to get closer to him so that they can heal each other. Ash asks Gunji - have you recovered? Gunji says, no, but I'm trying.

Intercut with Sayank - Nirbhay-Rohan-Riya - Nirbhay talks about friendship and love and Sam can't take it, he walks out. Mayank follows him - why did you not allow Nirbhay to complete his answer, accuses him of favouring money over talent and playing with people's lives. Sam doesn't answer. Mayank walks out.

SAm tries to call Ash to apologise. Gunjan almost picks up. Ash talks to Sam, he tells her she should rejoin college, and he should not have danced with her, being a trustee.

Last scene - someone calls Sam, saying Mayank is in danger and needs him.

Links

Sam, Gunjan and Ash

Friday, June 11, 2010

Suvivors' guilt

10th June episode

Beautifully crafted episode.
Started with hospital flashback from yesterday - Gunjan carrying Nupur's dupatta and mangalsutra goes to Mayank's hospital room to break the news of Nupur's death, and even in the middle of her own grief, she tries to comfort him, to be strong for him. And for once, the usually strong, controlled Mayank breaks down. Mangalsutra falls to the floor and breaks - no more needed to show that Nupur is indeed dead.

Samrat wakes up to find his mother by his bedside - she gives him Gunjan's ring and pendant, and tells him that his friends have left. And that Nupur is no more. And Samrat breaks down - I killed her.

Dis Samrat's mother have any role to play in the distancing between friends? Or was she simply a mother, fighting only for her son, and as we've seen already, not concerned about the feelings of the other players in this drama. Again, not negative, not positive - just real.

Bin Tere Kya Hai Jeena - mainly on Mayank with lots of flashbacks, then on Gunjan and Samrat with their memories of Nupur. Beautifully done - you could feel the pain on all three faces as they try to come to terms with their loss. And Samrat with his guilt - everyone I love, always goes away from me.

Gunjan Bhushan - counsellor. I have ALWAYS felt that Gunjan is the strongest character in MJHT and I am so grateful to the CV's for finally, finally waking up to this and showing it here. Gunjan as counsellor, in a role tailor made for her, with her empathy for other people's feelings and with her own loss to deepen that empathy, yet with her innate strength to show her - and her patients - how to cope. She seems to have recovered without any bitterness, her memories of her dearly beloved sister will always be with her and her sister's zest for life will be her own inspiration to carry on. As she is doing, with her lovely smile back on her face.

College again - the competition between NirRia, more a face off between Sayank. Fortunately, newbies kept to a minimum.

The shocker for today - Gunjan gets a visitor. Ashwini. And they hug. Ashwini calles her di - is she a real sister/cousin or a patient?
Am liking this track ... but I want it to end in Sajan reunion and their exit.

Links
Samrat and Gunjan's grief over nupur's death

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Memories

9th June
Gunjan scene continued ... boy says he hates his parents, she remembers Samrat. She asks boy, how will you drink your milk, he says, you sing a song. Again remembers Samrat persuading her for TP ... she sings, remembering him ... and in the bar, he hears her, and remembers TP too. So many memories ... how to forget them all? Why does he even come here ... to get lost in the crowd. So is he also waiting for Gunjan to find him again?

Gunjan sends off the boy to sleep and goes through a photograph album ... more memories of happy times ...

Samrat sends off Ash and cries ...

Gunjan remembers the hospital, asking the nurse ... where's my sister, Samrat, jeeju?
Nurse gives her Nupur's dupatta and mangal sutra. She rushes to Mayank ...

Bits of Ash with Rohan, N with R, Mayank takes N to his house.

Links -

Sam and Gunjan dealing with their pain

Heartbreak and the newbies

8th June

Newbies can't act ... except for Ash.

Never particularly cared for Dia/Naveena's acting ... but after watching Ria, I realise Dia was damn good!!! Ria cannot do attitude for nuts! And her dialogue delivery, like her onscreen brother's, is BAD! Mixture of Dia and Nupur ... can't do either!
Long and very boring classroom scene between Nirbhay, Ria and Rohan about Ria's seat. Samrat intervenes, takes Nirbhay off.
Sayank scene - good to see some decent acting ... but Mayank accepts offer to fight for unknown student and injustice?! And to fight Samrat? Oh well, they had to get him back in Excel.
Sam looks after him and says, my penance starts now, but Mayank may forgive me, Gunjan will never. Mohit is acting very well in the new season - the only reason to watch - after Sanaya, of course.

Samrat in bar, drunk ... Mohit cannot do drunk!!! But he can do a pretty decent angry young man. Interspersed with Gunjan trying to make sulky boy drink his milk - she's had plenty of experience with sulky boys :) And when boy says he hates his parents, she remembers ... who else ... Samrat. She can't forget him ... can she forgive him?

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Knots and tangles

7th June episode

The mature part of MJHT just got more gripping.
Mayank does barsi of Nupur, and Nupur bids a final farewell. AB will get to act a lot more here, which is good, as the lovelorn look never suited him, and his role was becoming that of a joru ka ghulam. Here he gets back some character and goes back to the initial focused determined Mayank. Am sure he will be happy with the shift. Here he's channeled his grief and his own share of guilt into his work. And into blaming Samrat - which is typical in a way - Mayank never did like owning up to his mistakes.

Gunjan - re-entry, and what a lovely one! She has grown a lot in the intervening three years - she's obviously not spent them in crying, but in making her way forward. Lost the nerdy 'plain Jane' look, and now looks exactly what she is - a beautiful young girl of today. Always thought she was a very strong character and the CV's are finally showcasing that strength. Yet she is deeply missing both her sister and Samrat, and again - in just one scene, without any dialogues, but with the help of flashabcks, her dilemma is shown so clearly. And this is going to be a major one for her - her sister, whom she loved so dearly, who was more than a sister, was a mother-figure - how does she forget her and move on? And equally, can she forget Samrat, her soulmate, the only man (for he's definitely a man now) she has ever loved and by the looks of it, CAN ever love? But he's responsible for her sister's death, even if by accident, not by design ... how do they move on from there?
I would hate to be in Gunjan's shoes.

Samrat - in a way, the worst off of the three. He's lost the love of his life, a girl who was his friend and the wife of the guy who had become his close friend, and he feels responsible for the death of the girl who linked them all together. How can he live with his guilt? And how can he ever get over it?
He's grown too - probably the most of the three. Mayank and Gunjan were always shown to be strong characters, while Samrat was always shown to be vulnerable on the inside. Here that vulnerability has been still kept beautifully intact, but he has channelled his grief and guilt into growing up, into making his life purposeful and constructive, something he never even thought about earlier, and into giving back to the college which has given him so much, and yet, has taken everything away from him.

Sam's mom - the fourth angle of this quadrangle. A fascinating entry - a very real person, strong, determined, purposeful and practical yet with a softness to her which we have only seen glimpses of as yet. A real woman of today - I can see Gunjan growing to be a lot like her, except that Gunjan is still far more emotional. Though of course, as we saw in the Gunjan scene, that part is already changing.

Of the newbies - Ash and now Nirbhay are somewhat interesting. Rohan and Ria are cardboard cutouts so far.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Revival - but for how long?

1st - 4th June

The accident, 3 years later, entry of two new characters, and a changed Samrat - grown up, sober, mature, who's forgotten to smile. Also a coldly bitter unforgiving Mayank, who has channelised his grief into his work - finally a return to the original Mayank.

But who died? Neither of the girls makes an appearance except in flashbacks and the CV's keep us guessing the whole week. Reason and logic says it's Nups who died, but the SBS and my own emotional attachment to Gunjan and Sajan make me fear the worst. Until the Friday episode when it's finally clear - Nupur died in the accident.

The Friday episode was also interesting for another reason - the sheer relief of tension made me now appreciate the episode again - and the other interesting feature was the entry of Samrat's mother, a character we've been waiting for since so long. And for me it wasn't disappointing. In contrast to our earlier thoughts that Gunjan will bring Samrat and his mother together, it seems the reverse will happen, and she will bridge their distances. Or rather, the first has already happened, because it was obviously the loss of Gunjan, and of Nupur and Mayank, that bridged the gap between Samrat and his mother after the initial ice-breaker of 5 crores. And now, waiting for Gunjan's re-entry - hopefully NOT with baby in tow - and the final chapter of the Sajan story. Or the next chapter - but they have been through so much, can't even imagine what is left! Except - fingers crossed - a happy ending! Unless Sajan manage to retain trp's and the CV's decide to put them through yet another trial of fire!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

A new beginning? or the final ending?

1st June -

The accident and a zillion badly put together flashbacks.

SBS 2nd June

My first feeling ... I knew it! I knew Gunji would be the one to die. Was it because of the poll, or because of the problems with the channel re ZND? Or because the main protagonist is Samrat and to have his story continue, this is the latest twist? Because the Cv's themselves said that MN have no story. And judging from the latest sbs, where they weren't even shown, that seems to be the case.
So MN excluded, or sidelined. Especially if they're living happily ever after.

Samrat ... in a living hell. Dead man walking. I know we said intense and emotional suits Sajan ... but this is too much! And the way he's going, I can only see two ways forward, and they don't include Mohabbatein. He's not in a state to further other people's love stories - he's probably forgotten to believe in love himself. I wanted Samrat to be grown up and mature ... and he is. He's more like the Samrat of my FF now ... and I don't want that, cos I want to stop watching this show now!!!

Anyway, two ways forward - one, the simplest. Sam is trying to kill himself, sooner or later he succeeds. We fans want that, and maybe if the newbies do well, there will be a quiet exit for Samrat. Or maybe, during one of his stunts, he puts someone else in danger and thus starts the beginning of his return to life. But not in a triangle ... unless an unwilling one, a completely one-sided one, because the way the CV's have shown the Sajan love story there CAN never be any other girl for Samrat. So either he starts mentoring one of the new girls, she falls for him, a new guy falls for her ... and so on. But not much of story for Samrat there, as I said. because he can never fall for anyone else again ... unless ... the either/or ...

OR .. if Sajan fans make enough noise ... enter Sanaya in new avatar. An anti-thesis of Gunjan, someone he hates to start off with, because she reminds him of his loss every time he looks at her. And a new love story starts ... and this could again do well, because again Monaya, again emotions at their peak ... and Sanaya in new look - she has always said that she doesn't want to play Gunjan again!!! And such a love story would take ages to build up ... if MJHT lasts that long.

I really don't know what I want. I know what I don't want - MJHT without Sanaya. That's no MJHT for me - maybe that's the best option! But she seems to be there for the time being ... so ... wait and watch ...

The end of the Sajan journey

31st may episode

Sajan engagement - and the end of the Sajan story.

They were looking beautiful in white ... and so very much in love.

Cv's continuw their games of giving Rati all the dialogues about leaving ... but I'm getting a bad feeling about this. Get ready to stop watching MJHT.

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