Samrat Gunjan - edited

Suhani came out after a long time, her eyes red. She looked at Gunjan hopelessly and without a word, she left, walking out through the door sadly.

Gunjan waited, her face tense, her fingers twisting with each other.

Samrat came out of his room slowly, his face blank. She was sitting on the sofa in the living room. Without looking at her, he came and sat down next to her, not touching her.

For a long while there was silence.

"Voh yahan kyun aayi," he said suddenly into the silence. Gunjan kept quiet. He still didn't look at her.

"Bolo?" he said, his tone aggressive. "Itne saal baad use meri yaad suddenly kyun aayi? Usne tumhe kuch reason bataya? Ya tumne poocha nahin? Uski sob story par yakin kar liya?"

"Samrat," she said softly. "Ek baar usko ek mauka to dekar dekho. Voh bhi bachi thi, tum bhi bache the. Itne saal baad bh itna gussa? Voh tumhari behen hai, Samrat."

"Mujhe nahin chahiye koi behen," he said. "Main akela theek hun. Bahut mushkil se apna bachpan peeche chhod diya hai. Ab use yaad nahin karna mujhe. Use bol do voh yahan se chali jaye."

"Samrat …" began Gunjan softly, hesitantly. He turned to look at her, a tortured look on his face.

"Tum nahin jaanti," he said. "Tum nahin jaanti, Chashmish, kyunki tumhe hamesha apni family se pyar mila hai. Tum imagine bhi nahin kar sakti ki kaisa lagta hai jab tumhare hi mom, dad, behen, koi bhi tumhe nahin chahta, tumhari care nahin karta."

"Samrat," said Gunjan, "Aisa nahin hai. Voh parvah karte hain. Sirf haalat aise ho, to sab log helpless ho jaate hain. Aur phir koi decision lene padte hain jo shayad galat hote hain, lekin uss samay lagta hai ki aur koi choice nahin hai. Tumhari mom ne bhi aisa decision liya tha, Samrat, sirf isliye ki unke paas koi choice nahin tha."

He shook his head obstinately.

"Nahin, Chashmish," he said. "Tum nahi jaanti. Suhani mom aur dad dono ki favorite thi. Divorce ke baad, …" he stopped and looked at her and she could see how difficult it was for him to say what he was saying, how it hurt him. "Divorce ke baad, voh dono Suhani ko hi rakhna chahte the. Koi bhi mujhe nahin chahta tha. Un dono ke liye mere paas koi vaqt nahin tha. Tabhi to dad ne mujhe boarding school bhej diya. Suhani ko mom ka pyar to mila, mujhe to kuch nahin mila."

She wanted to cry for him, for the lost, bewildered look on his face, for the lonely, unwanted, unloved child he had felt himself to be, for the hurt and the pain he had gone through all through his life. But she couldn't cry now, not yet.

"Iss liye tum Suhani ko itna hate karte the?" she asked very softly. She turned to him and held his face in her hands very gently. "Itne saal, Samrat? Uski galti kya thi? Problem tumhare parents ki thi, lekin suffer tum dono ne kiya, Samrat. Shayad unhone jaan boojh kar tum dono ko itne saal milne nahin diya. Shayad unhone yeh socha ki unki ladai mein tum dono already itne hurt ho gaye ho, miloge to baar baar alag hona aur bhi mushkil hoga. Ya shayad unki koi aur vajah thi. Lekin isme Suhani ki galti nahin thi, Samrat. Aur aaj Suhani ne ek koshish ki hai apne bhai ko phir se paane ki, uss bhai ko jo bachpan mein uske liye sab kuch tha. Aur jiske liye uski behen sab kuch thi."

"Voh mere liye kuch nahin hai …" he said, then stopped.

"Nahin hai to tum use itna hate kyun karte ho?" she asked him. "Samrat, sirf voh log hamein chot pahunchate hain, jo hamare liye important hote hain. Suhani aaj bhi tumhari choti behen hai, voh behen jise tum bahut pyar karte the. Aur jo tumhe pyar karti thi. Tum dono ka alag hona na uski galti thi, na tumhari. Haalat ne tumko alag kiya, lekin aaj tumhe ek mauke mil raha hai, saari purani baato ko bhulane ka, apni behen ko phir se paane ka. Aaj tumne yeh mauka chod diya, to kal tum Suhani ko nahin, apne aap ko hamesha hate karoge."

Her hands left his face and she got up. He sat still for a while, a mixture of expressions on his face and she turned to look at him.

"Ek baar soch lo, Samrat," she said. "Rishte todna aasan hota hai, lekin unhe jodna bahut mushkil. Aur yeh baat hum dono bahut achhi tarah jaante hain."

He looked back at her and got up. He came very close to her, his expression anguished.

"Rishte tootthe hain to bahut dard hota hai, Chashmish," he half whispered and she couldn't stand the expression on his face. She put her arms around him and held him fiercely and felt his head come down on her shoulder, felt the fear in him of yet another loss, another heartbreak. They stood for a long moment in silent embrace. Then they pulled apart slowly.

"Mujhe jaana chahiye," she whispered, not wanting to go, to leave him alone, but it was late and she had no choice. He nodded bleakly, understanding.

She walked to the door slowly, feeling him watching her every step of the way. At the door, she stopped, waited for a long moment, and turned around.

For the first time that evening, she saw the shadow of a smile cross his face. And then, her heart breaking for him, she left.